I think I have shared how easily I get frustrated with myself. The visual changes would seem more real, maybe because it would be a daily reminder looking in the mirror that all I am working for is there changing before my eyes. Instead, I have changes happening with endurance, energy, strength, balance, and coordination. These are things you can't see. Only I can feel them and I know where I was and how far I have come and am happy about these changes, but the frustration happens because I don't look at myself and see anything different. That is painful and I am tearing up as I say this. I have such a hard time excepting myself. I am reading a book called Captivating and although I have just started: it is showing me that I have a design with a purpose. I don't want to wait till the end to see if it helps direct me out of my lost state, because yet again I want to understand me now!
This NOW business is so deeply bred into our culture, food now, results now, me now it goes on and on. Culture has lost out on patience. I have fallen into that trap. I had a friend tell me about a year and a half ago that this change will take time. This did not happen over night so take the steps of changing and over time results start showing themselves. If you don't change you get the same results, you have to change to get different results.
I have made some big changes in my diet and exercise over the last 2 years and yes, I have changed. I also mess up and do everything against what I know I have to do.I give up on myself from time to time, but now I recognize it and am not afraid now to make changes. I posted something today on facebook that triggered what I was going to write about today, because it made me deal with my frustrations. Sometimes we don't finish things the way we invisioned it, but don't give up. 2 years ago I thought I would be way further along than I am. I have to remember that each step forward is a step in completing the goal. You can still get it done! I can still get it done! You don't have to come in first place, you win by moving forward and finishing. Even if it takes more time than you thought it should, keep pressing on. I am worth it...at least I am trying to tell myself that. Another thing to work on. If I had stopped doing everything towards my goal 6 months ago, I would be the same I was 6 months ago. I have changed and progress continues...my baby steps have mattered at getting me in the right direction. Now I must press onward. Welcome to my exisitence
I remember my 1st organized run and how all that mattered to me was that another year would not go by where I stood on the sidelines and said "I am going to do that next year" and the event would come and go and come and go. Last year was my 1st year as a participant and when I crossed the finish line (about to die) I cried. Not because I did a lame job but because I was overjoyed that I DID IT! I was there as a participant not a bystander.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Lisa....it is hard to keep what is important in the forefront of our brains with all of lifes daily distractions but keep focusing on what your doing right and you will get there.
Jeri, I am so proud of you for getting it done I would have never thought of you as a runner! When I heard you were getting up so early to workout I was very impressed! I hope some day my energy level will change enough to start my day like that. I am not much of a morning person. I am slowly adjusting my bedtime so I get up earlier even on days I don't have to get up for anything. Love ya cute girl and thanks for the encouragement, for your input and sharing of this change you went through!
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