Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Tears in Dressing Rooms

I am rather excited for the future! Why? I am finally seeing the changes in my body. If you remember in my first blog: I shared the story of preparing for my sons college graduation, I went shopping for new cloths for the trip. I ended out not getting anything for that trip. My body had not changed enough and everything still looked horrible on me. I had a melt down that day in the dressing room, crying and upset with myself. I thought I had dropped enough weight to get in a size smaller and look better in clothes. I had not. I was so upset that day; in shock and disappointed. It deflated my motivation. I was so discouraged that day, I wondered if it was worth it. My saving grace at that time was the seat belt on the plane fitting without an extension! I could walk around town with my family and not feel so tired or out of breath! Those couple of things helped me see there are changes happening and I was improving on my health. The changes weren't showing on the outside yet, so I kept plugging away. I have had several ups and downs, I have cried many tears.
I have not tried on clothes since that day. One reason is the lack of funds, but also wanting to lose more weight before I attempted this task again. It was a very defeating moment and did not want to experience that defeat again.
 Last weekend life changed! I needed underwear badly so I went shopping. I went in only to get underwear, but there was a 40% off sale on the entire store. I was afraid of clothes. I did not want to try anything on. I held shirts in front of me to see if they would work. I went to the section one size smaller than the last time I attempted this feat. I figured I better go ahead and try on the shirt as I was not sure I liked it completely. I did try it on and it looked horrid. So I grabbed a different style shirt and tried it on. I realized as I was trying this other shirt on that it was baggier than I thought it would be and that must be why that first shirt looked so horrid. I had my daughter go get an even smaller size to see how much weight I needed to lose before that size would fit comfortably and fit! It fit way better than I thought and I started to cry! I was crying out of joy and realizing my body is changing on the outside now. I was crying because I have waited so long for a major difference to happen and it was there staring me in the mirror! The lady helping me stopped at the door to see if everything was ok, I sobbed a big yes everything is great! I was in a size that I have not worn in at least jeez 22 years or more. I have nothing in my closet from the past hoping one day to fit into them again. I had given up along time ago that I would ever get there and tossed them.(plus they were very outdated).
 I wasn't going to share my sizes, but then I was like, well, have your weights posted so whats the big deal? So yeah, I went from size 26/28 to 18/20! I came home and put on some blouses I have not worn in a couple years and they were baggy! When I used to wear those blouses I had to wear them open with a cami or tank layer under them because I could not button them. I was afraid to move much in the shoulder area because I thought I would pop the seams on the sleeves/shoulder. I was able to button and they looked baggy, more tears!
This new size has motivated me! There is change happening...finally! I have hope that with my daughters wedding coming up I can actually get into a dress and look somewhat nice. I have not worn a dress since 1999 because of my weight. I felt like I was in a poncho or tent, so I quit wearing them.
 I know many people hate trying on clothes and probably cry just like I have after realizing things don't fit properly. I have a renewed faith that things will be getting better now. I am not afraid to try on clothes. I have a ways to go, but it is a way I know I can do! I will probably shed more tears in dressing rooms in the future. I think stores should provide tissues in the dressing rooms for all the tears we shed trying on clothes, just sayin'.

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