Monday, October 22, 2012


   I have to apologize for not blogging for such a long time. I realize that in my lack of blogging it generally means I have not been doing much to make the changes I need too. I do have many emotions that go along with not performing to the best of my ability and maybe I should be sharing those. I will try harder at making the time.
   I have been able to maintain the loss I have accomplished so far. This helped me realize I made some good changes in the eating department. All the changes have been of great benefit. I know I still have a ways to go , but at least the changes I have made have stuck and are part of my life now.
   I still struggle. I have not learned how to make exercise a priority and have any consistency at working out. I did join a gym! I had gotten very bored with my workouts at home and thankfully for Mothers Day my daughter Daisy got me to her gym to workout. I did join, it is close by, so convenience is a plus. It is very affordable ($10 a month) I couldn't pass it up! and it is a great friendly staffed gym! Another daughter (Dixie) joined with me. I also signed up with a trainer. I can only afford a half hour every other week. I know if I could afford more i would be all over that, because i need the accountability & workout buddy.
   At first I was doing great as there was an occasion approaching that I desired to have the energy exercise gives me. It was my daughters wedding. I had not lost any additional weight but the energy level was a benefit. I was rather disappointed in myself at not accomplishing more and the dress shopping was very uncomfortable, size and money for something I probably won't wear again. I did want to feel good and I did, just not what I thought I could have done. Her wedding was so much fun and I did ok with the energy I needed to enjoy it all.
 I have struggled getting to the gym since the wedding. I think each week I will get there more than once, but through the summer after driving home from work in a hot car ( no air conditioning), change clothes and want to get in the hot car to drive to the gym, get all hot & sweaty at the gym to get back in the hot car was not something I wanted to do.The heat drains me so much. It became my excuse. I went on Saturday &/or Sunday and my training sessions, but that was it.
When I had initially started  I was also meeting up with my daughter, she is a great encourager and helped push me. Her life has changed so it makes it harder to make that happen. My other daughter who joined with me has so much going on in her life and is in pretty good shape she does not make the effort. I have become a slacker not having that initial support. Now typing that out I realize I am making it someone elses fault that I don't go as often as I need to, but it is my fault. I push through trying to take ownership  yet I also know how important support is, it helps a great deal!
It is now fall and I am so not ready for this fastly approaching season. I have struggled still with finances desiring a different job as well and it is another thing that affects my view of myself. I long to make changes, but then I get a little afraid and don't push it.
I know this isn't much to report in about. To me it is the same ol thing. I have not found my motivation to keep me on track and push through the days I struggle the hardest. I have not given up, I still know I want to live a healthier stronger energized life and I know I will get there. Sometimes the process is slow, slower than I could have even imagined, but I am still dreaming, still knowing it will get better, still knowing I will find my motivation, still keeping my head in the game to grow and make changes. Sometimes I have to repeat "Be still and know I am God". It is ok to be still, reflect and reach out to God to help you with your struggles. Still know He has a plan through the consequences of your sin. Know He is God. " I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me". Philippians 4::13

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