It has been over a month since my last confession...LOL well blog. And I don't want them to be confessions but inspirations. This last four weeks...... now a confession. I have failed myself in what I know to be true.
I do like exercise, (unlike many people). I like competing, challenging myself, the energy it gives, feeling stronger, healthier and yet I lost focus on these and failed to commit these last 4 weeks. I don't seem to be one of those people who can keep a habit going after I have implemented it 30+ days. You know that saying if you want to make some changes, make those changes for at least 30 days it becomes a part of you and a habit? Not me..sadly. I have even been making changes for more than 30 -60-90 days and still it is not a habit. I don't understand why when it is something I want. Some people say exercise is like brushing your teeth every day, it is part of a healthy routine, but not yet mine.Then I tell myself I must not want it bad enough, yet I shed tears about this and read about it and every morsel I eat I think about the consequences. I must want it, but I have given in and say, "tomorrow I will do better", and tomorrow comes and maybe one small thing in the day I was able to focus and make right, but no big force field of change.
I am so happy that my health screening had great healthy results. I decide I can take a small break, because I need to focus on finding a job. Online job searching takes so much time, I hate it! Sign up with different sites, apply, apply, apply, no responses. I did run twice this week just to get some cardio in and relieve my mind of the stress of finding a job. I still ate somewhat healthy, but my husband brought home something amazingly deliciously wrong for me and I ate and ate and then told him...never bring this into the house again. It was Sea salted caramel swirled vanilla bean ice cream..or something along that line. Salty, creamy sweetness..man that was good! Fail week 1
The weather has changed, I am cold! I actually sit and want nothing more that hot drinks, honey lemon tea, green tea, hot cider. I am bundled up, reading books and shopping on line for a job. Not moving much at all. One day I do say to myself, you would get warm if you go downstairs and exercise and I did, but just one day. My meals have changed too. Now that I am cold all the time, comfort foods, sauces, melted cheese on things and bread. I am not even drinking water, well maybe one glass of water a day...now it gives me chills to drink water. Just hot tea seems to be my liquid. I think to myself, it will be ok, it has only been two weeks, you are job searching and taking care of your family, you will be ok, 2 weeks of slacking can't have been to detrimental, just get back on track, it will all be good. Yet I am afraid to weigh myself, because I have not been doing what I set out to accomplish. Fail week 2
Week 3 ~
I don't think about exercise at all this week. I think about food, because Thanksgiving is this week. I am going to Laramie for thanksgiving. I get to see my daughter and we will make thanksgiving easy and simple. We did good, probably the lightest Thanksgiving dinner ever or at least in the last 16 years, but left overs...I had pumpkin pie for breakfast each morning, yes with whipped cream and coffee with peppermint mocha creamer and sugar. I had a couple glasses of wine each night while nibbling on chex mix. It was so cold and windy there, 3 degrees with wind chill of -8 that the walks we planned on doing, we did not do. I think I have cold air induced asthma. The one day it warmed up to 30, I had a headache and stayed in while the girls walked the dogs. I did drink a lot of water while there, mainly because of the dryness and trying to stay hydrated. I figure when I get home, now that thanksgiving is complete and done I can get back on track. I get home and my husband has bought a wonderful ham. 2 dinners and a couple ham and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch later...I am for sure going to get busy on this weight loss plan! I have slacked long enough.Time has gotten away from me, 2 weeks passing isn't too bad, but now I am up to 3 weeks and starting to think I have lost control of my plan. I have eaten poorly and not exercising at all this week. Fail week 3
Week 4 ~
Yikes, what the heck is wrong with me that I have let this much time pass without getting back to it! OMG, I have to weigh myself and see what damage I have done, I am very afraid now. This week I have focused back towards what I eat and doing pretty good, not great. I have not exercised except for some leaf raking a few days. The snow is melting and the leaves underneath are so thick they will kill the grass if I don't get on that! I am being creative and making some Christmas presents, so I am spending about 4-5 hours a day on that this week. I am still cold, but drinking water more, but still hooked on hot tea. I am limiting the sugar I add in my tea slowly again as I had increased it lately as if my tea is a treat, tastes like a honey lemon drop. As I approached my art table yesterday, being it is downstairs sharing the room I work out in I decided to just deal with it and weigh myself. I had been thinking of prolonging writing for another week to see if I could make some attempts toward my goal and weigh in later so I would not have a possible jump in the weight, but I decided to be real with myself and you all, so the weight is posted. Week 4 fail
As you see, I try to reason with myself about why I have not made time for focusing on what I thought was my main goal. Making excuses really. Apparently I let things get in the way and lose focus easily. I have had a couple friends who have lost weight in the last couple months and it shows greatly on their body as they are much thinner. I am impressed! I am inspired again. Biggest Loser is ending and although this season did not seem to inspire me as much as in the past, I still sat and cried each week and this last week the final 4 ran the marathon. That always inspires me, because 12 weeks ago they could not even walk a mile. I can't imagine running a marathon. I am focused on accomplishing a 5k and feel I can achieve that if I can stay on track. Inspiration has taken hold again. I will get back on track and push myself to be under 290 by the new year...how about that! K, now that I have stated that, I am nervous yet challenged to do so, yikes.
I know I put a fail after each week, but failure is not even trying and I am successful in the fact I am aware of what I have been doing or lack of doing. I am successful, because I am not giving up to attempt changing my life to a healthier one. I am successful, because I can admit my failures and learn and grow. I am successful, because I am changing. Today is a new day. 1 week 2 weeks 3 weeks 4, no matter how many weeks slip by there is always a new day to start a successful day, week, month, life.