Can I get there from here by way of dancing?

I really don't get why this has to be so difficult for me. Why can't it be easier? I have the desire and think I have the knowledge. Am I being unrealistic? Do I have my hopes set to high? Do I really know what I am doing? I gained almost a pound back. I am doing a little dance. It is the step forward, step back dance. Sounds easy enough, but it is not the dance I want to be doing.
 There is a break dancing battle happening in this process of weight loss. It is a dual of positive and negative continuously happening in my brain. The up and down emotions are so very tiring. I go from an extreme with an energetic elated high to a defeated, what the hell, depressed low. I wish I could have a consecutive pattern, because with every week having something new to battle and figure out, I wonder how long I can stay strong enough to get there. Every minute of the day there is a choice to be made. I am going against what I know and have lived in the past. We all live our lives based off of what we know, what we are surrounded with. The focus of what I want my life to be like and making the changes is very challenging.
Last week I was on a high, I did really good and excited about the weight loss. I had abounding energy! I thought once again, I have this figured out. I had ran the furthest I have ever run in about 20+ years and continued with that momentum and pushed even further (well not further), but this last week on 2 occasions I ran the 12 minute lap twice in a workout! Booya for me, I felt so alive that I could do that! I like this accomplished strong feeling! I now know with that little bit of running accomplished  I have no limits as to what I can do. I have never felt like that before. (well maybe when I was a teenager I did, but that was ages and ages ago) This last week I even did a workout my trainer taught me earlier this year. It involved a zillion squats and stair raises. I did an arms/back workout with my resistant band as well and it felt great. My inner thighs kill and I am having a hard time walking and I could hardly lift my arms over my head for the next couple days. Putting on a shirt about did me in, but I love that feeling! It means I did something beyond myself. I did not go easy on myself!  I also did a half hour session of Yoga with Bob from BL...LOL on my Wii...it about did me in! The first few minutes I was like well I wonder what I can do after this, because this is lame. Well, I realized that a Yoga workout is anything but lame...I almost gave up, because I was hurting so badly. I didn't, but wow! I really need to strengthen my core!
Anyway, with all this working out and accelerating what I am doing I thought I would have different results. I am changing up what I am doing! I thought I would see a minimum 2 lbs drop off, but no. I don't know why it didn't drop. Makes me wonder if I will ever get to where I am going. It is a dual! A battle of the mind for me. I am going through the motions, now if my brain would not make such a big deal of everything, at least the negatives. I like what my brain does with the positives.
I have fought my weaknesses each and every day and I will win. I can do this! I can continue to be strong at least for this next week. One week at a time, right? One pound at a time. I can get there if I am taking more steps forward than I am backwards. I will advance the battle lines and conquer this. I am stronger than what I believe I am. Today the dual ends on a positive.
I have been wanting to go try running on the High School track. Being I was running in place for 12 minutes at a time, I thought...I am ready to hit the outdoors and measure this! I wanted to run at least for 12 minutes and see if it was a mile and if not how long will it take me to run a mile? I had my daughter go with me and I was very nervous. Running in place with my Wii, I have visuals and encouragement along the way to know I can complete it. A track is kinda boring, but I wanted to know the distance in time that I was doing at home. It was a beautiful warmer day, only one other person at the track, so no distractions or worries. We set out running, well if you actually saw me it was more like a jog but hey I am moving forward! I made it one full lap before I had to stop, so a quarter mile. That was only 3 minutes not twelve. I figured that running in place for twelve minutes based off of this track running time, I am running the distance of a mile with my Wii! The difference of running in place in the family room and outside on pavement was a bit different to say the least. First there was a slight wind and I was wheezing after the quarter mile. Then the impact of my weight on the pavement made me hurt a little more...my hips and ankles were taking a beating. I am sure it is because of what I weigh and I am still sore from all the squats I did the other day.  After the first lap was completed I did not want to give up so I walked for a lap and then ran in spurts, once the curve of the track and then three times on the straight aways. So in combination, I ran a half mile and walked a half mile. Not bad for the first time out, I will accept this run. Hello track, nice to meet you! Hello mile, lets dance! I will get there and after today, I am ready to hit the track some more! I want to run! I want to watch myself excel past today's new adventure!
I can get there by doing the dance 4 steps forward 1 step backward if that is the way it will be. I figure that I am making more forward steps than backwards steps so it is possible to get there!  I wish my dance was a different one, but either way, I will get to twirl in the end.