I have a blog titled "It is how we measure" that I've shared my experience and thoughts of how we measure our health and the most frequently asked question is "How much weight have you lost", which of course when trying to lose weight would be the question inquiring minds would want to know. We all want to see that number decrease when losing weight, but I shared some of the other factors that improve while attempting the healthy changes; for instance endurance in cardio, balance and coordination, strength and happy endorphins. Today I have another measurement that goes along with the health campaigns to get America's obesity factors changed and get us to be a healthier country.
The numbers are about what is happening on the inside of the body and the question we have all heard over and over via TV shows like Biggest Loser or Dr. Oz and even possibly your own Dr. The question " Do you know your numbers?" This question is familiar to us all and it is not about a math class, but our health! The know your numbers campaign is referring to; Blood Pressure, LDL Cholesterol, Blood Glucose and BMI ( body mass index) and some even measure the circumference of the body where your stomach is located.
Over the last few years, because of my weight I have been terrified to have these measured. People my size have these numbers shoot through the roof! When Dr.'s see these numbers they wonder how it is we are still alive. These numbers can be very scary and knowing them, at least for me could create added stress. For awhile I have wondered how it was that I was still alive. If walking up a small flight of stairs gets you winded..it can't be good. I knew I was in serious trouble.
There have been a few times over the last few years that I have been ill and went to the 24 hr care center..avoiding a real Dr. visit and on those occasions did have my blood pressure taken. Each time it was 150+/90 - ish and back in the day when I was healthier my number was 120/70. Knowing this tidbit about my blood pressure was scary enough to encourage me to make changes.
I have avoided the Dr. for many years. One reason is that I know I am over weight, I know I have not eaten a healthy diet. I was a drive thru junk food addict hitting the drive thru several times a week. I know my numbers had to be off the charts! I know I have abused my bodies health and was afraid of walking! I was afraid of getting out of breath, building up pressure and having a heart attack! I had gotten afraid to live even a simple life out of fear of sudden death. One other reason for avoiding the Dr. is my lack of respect for the way many Dr's practice medicine. It is a what are your symptoms, here is a pill method vs. here are your symptoms lets find out why and see what changes you can make to alleviate the symptoms. Then you add all the warnings associated with pills these days and risk factors I did not want to be handed a pill. I will avoid the pills thank you very much and get busy!
I have watched and read many health related issues so I knew what I needed to do in order to change the direction of my health. I'd rather exercise and learn to eat right than take a bunch of pills/chemicals with side effects. Good nutrition and exercise will get rid of plenty of my symptoms! Watching the Biggest Loser and Dr. Oz , I have seen that by applying exercise and eating right that within 3-6 weeks people are off of the med's they were taking for blood pressure, diabetes and lowering cholesterol. They are still heavy so losing weight is not the only factor to changing these "know your number" numbers! That was encouraging, because it takes along time to drop the weight (BMI) number. They have added years to their lives with eating right and exercising and saving lots of money by getting off of the med's! This is fantastic news! This is encouraging!
Knowing this information helped me realize I can make some drastic changes in my health even when the weight loss is a slow process. I am changing the inside faster than the visual outside parts of me! Yesterday, I had to go in for a health screening for our health insurance We will get money put onto our health insurance savings card if we meet at least one of the four target goals set up by the insurance company. 1 target met = $150, 2 targets met = $300 and 3 targets met = $450 and that is the max so 3 out of the 4 will give you the maximum $'s. I was scared yet with all the changes I have made thought it might not be to bad. I have been applying these changes for a couple years and even more so in the last 3 months. The targets for the insurance were slightly different than the National Institute of Health numbers so I am going to list those two numbers along with my numbers for you. My husband works for Kroger so that will be the K, NIH for the National Inst of Health and of course my number which will be my name. Here goes, drum roll please:
Blood Pressure-NIH = 120/70 ~ K = 140/90 ~ Lisa = 129/88 ~ target 1 met =$150
Blood Glucose- NIH = 100 ~ K= 125 ~ Lisa = 106 ~ target 2 met =$300
LDL Cholesterol - NIH = 100 ~ K= 160 ~ Lisa = 127 ~ target 3 met = $450
even my other cholesterol factors were all in the healthy numbers! Since I met 3 out of 4 I did not have to get weighed and measured for the BMI, besides I know those numbers! Wii Fit Plus gives me that # when I weigh in each week. It is dropping so eventually I will get that met, but for an FYI for those of you watching your BMI numbers NIH = 25 and K insurance wanted a BMI of 29. I think my last BMI on Wii was 50.03 yikes, but you know my weight now, so that would be expected. Not afraid to go there anymore with all of you.
So there it is! The inside scoop! My work is paying off and I have reaped other rewards for my changes! The number associated with weight is still moving slowly, but the inside numbers tell me this is all worth it!
Get busy y'all and add numbers of years to your life! Make the insides as healthy as you can and in the process the number that affects how we see each other on the outside will start dropping too. That is my inside scoop!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Sight, The Smell & The Taste
I have a high brain function, but it seems to be geared to the pleasure of food. I sometimes feel like a mouse in a lab experiment searching through the maze for the most appealing taste bud stimuli...what looks good, smells good and will taste good? No matter what I have in the house that is healthy I still search to see if there is something better. Better is not always best, just seems so to the tongue.
Everyone has seen and read in countless bits of advice when trying to make healthy changes, to clean your cabinets, fridge, pantry of any unhealthy choices. The unhealthy items will win the battle of decisions no matter how hard you try and say no, they call out your name, you know they are there. I have just experienced this first hand, the reasons to remove them! I have done a pretty good job of not even having them in the house and left on my own devices would remain successful. Like most people out there, I do not live alone. I have a husband who has the ability to purchase and bring home groceries. My husband is a treat-o-holic. He was raised with a mom who made numerous treats, multiple cakes and cookies in one weekend to prepare for Sunday gatherings and the week ahead. Before I met him and he was a kid I am sure she did this for the kids (6) for after school snacks and school lunches. I don't bake and it is a rare occasion when I do. Since I don't make treats instead he buys them, brings them home. He sticks them up high in the cupboard out of my reach basically, but I know they are there, I can use a kitchen utensil and knock them down. I don't find his purchasing very supportive of my efforts. I will search the cupboards to see what my options are. I can resist sometimes, but not always. If it isn't in the house I won't select it right?! He does not understand what he puts me through.
The beginning of October I decorated for fall. I love fall! It is the season that most inspires my creativity and I seem to get alot of energy from that creative thinking. Anyway, I have a few clear glass candy dish pumpkins that I tend to buy Halloween colored M&M's and candy corn every year to add to the color of the fall displays...and nibble on. It is tradition! This year I thought about buying such items, but opted out and decided I can live with them empty. If it isn't here I won't be tempted to eat, so I didn't. After a couple weeks of the candy dishes sitting empty, what does my husband do? He decides to bring home some candy corn! Ugh! I think to myself, "I can do this no big deal, besides they really don't taste that great". It will look pretty and I will leave it alone and just take the approach of how pretty it will look sitting there in the candy dish. Well, I open the bag and that wonderful delightful smell of candy corn hits my nose! The aroma is wonderful! The freshest candy corn ever! Now I have seen, I have smelled, now I want a taste! I take just a few and it is wonderful! The aroma matches the taste! As the evening progresses the smell is so delightful I keep taking a few here and there as I make dinner. In the next 24 hours I decide I can not handle just a few of these little morsels so I dump a large handful in my hand. I gobble them down and realize I am now miserable. The taste no longer matched the smell, because they still smelled amazing! As I sit miserable, I have come to the conclusion that I really, really, really like the smell of candy corn more than I like the taste You know this candy corn is a popular scent for a candle and I know now I will never buy one because it made me want to eat!
The question that comes up now is why could I not resist after all the planning of not purchasing. Then they enter the house and it becomes all I want! This is one reason why I so badly wanted to be on the biggest loser..yes they bring in temptations for challenges but it isn't part of the household. Candy corn and me= failure! I smelled and I tasted!
Then came another test. Chips. I don't buy chips. I buy wheat thins, triscuts and raw nuts like almonds and walnuts and make hot air popcorn when I have the munchies. My husband, he bought chips! I like chips that is why I don't buy them! I came home one night after working at an exciting, sold out, crazy busy ReAL soccer game with them beating Cruz Azul- Mexico! It was 10:30pm and I had not eaten since 3pm and I was hungry, wired with nervous energy, excited about the Team and all their accomplishments so far the year and on the prowl for food. On the table sits a bowl of apples and pears yet I begin to open cupboards. What is this I see up on the unreachable shelf? Doritos! I love Doritos! I close the cupboard trying to avoid them and open other food storage places in the house and I go back open the chip cupboard again and close it again. My brain is now so focused on the chips, nothing else will do. I reason with myself "you have not had these cheesy wondrous triangles in a long long time"..numerous months, maybe possibly close to a year. I get a cereal bowl down and pour me some. Yummy, yummy crunchy munchie goodness. Even though I failed this test I see one good thing in this process, I got a small bowl and portioned it out. Usually I eat straight out of the bag and have no idea how much I have eaten till I think whoa I better save some for someone else. Or ask someone to move them aways from me! I saw and I tasted and it was good and yet it was bad, very bad! Fail!
On to the very next day and I am not sure why I did not follow my same logic as the night before, but I make a turkey sandwich reached up in the cupboard and grabbed a can of pringles. I sit down at the computer to eat and facebook at the same time. Let me say eating at the computer has the same affect as eating while watching TV...you eat mindlessly and all of a sudden your snack is devoured, you have eaten the whole can of pringles! I have eaten the whole can of pringles! UgH! I tasted and tasted and tasted, I don't think I saw them or smelled them, just tasted. I am not sure why this happened as I was on the computer the night I ate the Doritos. I like Doritos way better than pringles. Why did I not chow down on the chip I like more? It was the difference of pouring some into a bowl vs. having the whole package in front of me. So why did I not use that logic? I am guessing because they are thin little crisps and I don't like them very much so I guess my thinking was I might not eat very many so no controlling measures needed. Wrong! And why do I have to have chips with a sandwich anyway? There are so many other options I have used! On this day it was because they were there I saw them and reacted to the past, chips go with sandwiches.
The other thing I have had to face is ice cream. My husband brings home ice cream alot. For the most part I can resist but it also depends on the flavor. I have had ice cream several times in the last week +. He knows what I am trying to do...lose weight and get healthier yet he still asks if I want some when he is dishing himself out a bowl. When I do give in to the temptation I ask him to serve only 5-7 bites worth so I get a very small taste. I need to stop that! He needs to stop buying these things and tempting me with them. I need to learn that, I doubt he will change so I have too somehow move past the choices and pick what will be of nutritional value for me. It is hard! I see and I taste!
To add to the poor choices this last 8 days I have not turned on my Wii even once. I have not done an actual workout. Well, I have done some things that burn calories and build muscles, but not a typical workout. I have spent a couple days for 2-4 hours on each day, trimming bushes and tree limbs, raking and bending over cleaning up the messes I have made from such chores. I have deep cleaned a couple rooms in the house and reorganized my pantry. I did get my heart rate up doing most of these activities and my body did hurt when completed so I have not been sitting still. But have been scared to death to get on the scale. At first I was going to skip it all together knowing I have had a bad almost 2 weeks. But then I thought, I need the accountability and need to be honest as this is what this blogging is about for me. It helps me see myself and helps others struggling with the same issues I am facing, so I have posted it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and I am happy. Even though it still went up instead of down, I am happy because I seriously thought it was going to be really bad and make me cry. I have hope and have stayed below my 300 that took so long to hit. I can learn and get back on track!
I wish the sights, smells and taste of food wasn't so enticing, did not trigger sensors in my brain to desire what I try to resist. I also wish my husband understood what he does to me by bringing in the tempting foods into the house. Even if I could say no each and every time it still should not be there! He does not have a weight problem and even still, they are not healthy for him either.
My daughter recently bought a book for me that I just started reading this week, I am only on page 50, but it is titled " The end of overeating" by David Kessler MD. So far I am understanding some of the reasons I don't have all the control I desire out of myself and hope to learn enough to take better action. It is explaining so far how sugar, salt and fat play to our brain sensors for reward and pleasure. Sounds like me for sure! I don't get why this has to be so hard, this making wise eating choices deal! I have plenty healthy options in the house, but I still select the wrong items. (Not every time, but why even sometimes) I have more to learn, more to conquer, more to understand, more adapting to a new way of living. The sights, smells and tastes are always going to be there, I need to learn not to do so much tasting when I smell and see the things I try to avoid. Food is like a drug, it gives us a momentary satisfaction, a feel good moment. I have to remember this statement and I am not sure if I thought this on my own trying to encourage someone else or I read it first, but I have used it a couple times in conversation with people trying to lose weight vs the exercise we attempt. "Eating brings us temporary pleasure, but we fill miserable when done, exercise makes us temporarily miserable, but we feel great pleasure when we are done" I need to put this on my fridge!
I know I feel more energy and more mental clarity when I exercise yet food has a better grip on me for it''s pleasures. I am not giving up and will keep learning and applying what I learn. I know I can get to the place where this will reverse and exercise will be a joy. I have been getting close to being excited to go do a workout. I am getting there it was just an awful week with to many temptations.
Before I sign off I have this one more thing to say; if anyone in your household is trying to lose weight and you are not, it still is not very supportive of you to bring home things that would be a temptation to your friend or family member. No matter how much you enjoy those things yourself they really aren't good for you either. We all can be strong in words saying it won't be a problem, but deep down it is a problem. Our brains focus on that bad item even when we aren't even looking at it we know it is there. Don't bring it in the house! Find another way to enjoy life, a walk, be creative, listen to music anything that takes pleasure focuses away from food. The holidays are approaching and we all have traditional dishes and activities that just happen, because that is what we have always done it is called tradition. I am going to try to change things up and start a healthy new tradition. The sights, smells and tastes will be all around us, do you have a plan to avoid some of the unhealthy traditions and start something new? Do it for you and your family! Activities bring memories even more than food can! I think after these last couple weeks I am going to make a daily meal plan at the start of each day. It may help me avoid searching out what may be lurking in the cupboards. The sights, smells and tastes will not consume me!
Everyone has seen and read in countless bits of advice when trying to make healthy changes, to clean your cabinets, fridge, pantry of any unhealthy choices. The unhealthy items will win the battle of decisions no matter how hard you try and say no, they call out your name, you know they are there. I have just experienced this first hand, the reasons to remove them! I have done a pretty good job of not even having them in the house and left on my own devices would remain successful. Like most people out there, I do not live alone. I have a husband who has the ability to purchase and bring home groceries. My husband is a treat-o-holic. He was raised with a mom who made numerous treats, multiple cakes and cookies in one weekend to prepare for Sunday gatherings and the week ahead. Before I met him and he was a kid I am sure she did this for the kids (6) for after school snacks and school lunches. I don't bake and it is a rare occasion when I do. Since I don't make treats instead he buys them, brings them home. He sticks them up high in the cupboard out of my reach basically, but I know they are there, I can use a kitchen utensil and knock them down. I don't find his purchasing very supportive of my efforts. I will search the cupboards to see what my options are. I can resist sometimes, but not always. If it isn't in the house I won't select it right?! He does not understand what he puts me through.
The beginning of October I decorated for fall. I love fall! It is the season that most inspires my creativity and I seem to get alot of energy from that creative thinking. Anyway, I have a few clear glass candy dish pumpkins that I tend to buy Halloween colored M&M's and candy corn every year to add to the color of the fall displays...and nibble on. It is tradition! This year I thought about buying such items, but opted out and decided I can live with them empty. If it isn't here I won't be tempted to eat, so I didn't. After a couple weeks of the candy dishes sitting empty, what does my husband do? He decides to bring home some candy corn! Ugh! I think to myself, "I can do this no big deal, besides they really don't taste that great". It will look pretty and I will leave it alone and just take the approach of how pretty it will look sitting there in the candy dish. Well, I open the bag and that wonderful delightful smell of candy corn hits my nose! The aroma is wonderful! The freshest candy corn ever! Now I have seen, I have smelled, now I want a taste! I take just a few and it is wonderful! The aroma matches the taste! As the evening progresses the smell is so delightful I keep taking a few here and there as I make dinner. In the next 24 hours I decide I can not handle just a few of these little morsels so I dump a large handful in my hand. I gobble them down and realize I am now miserable. The taste no longer matched the smell, because they still smelled amazing! As I sit miserable, I have come to the conclusion that I really, really, really like the smell of candy corn more than I like the taste You know this candy corn is a popular scent for a candle and I know now I will never buy one because it made me want to eat!
The question that comes up now is why could I not resist after all the planning of not purchasing. Then they enter the house and it becomes all I want! This is one reason why I so badly wanted to be on the biggest loser..yes they bring in temptations for challenges but it isn't part of the household. Candy corn and me= failure! I smelled and I tasted!
Then came another test. Chips. I don't buy chips. I buy wheat thins, triscuts and raw nuts like almonds and walnuts and make hot air popcorn when I have the munchies. My husband, he bought chips! I like chips that is why I don't buy them! I came home one night after working at an exciting, sold out, crazy busy ReAL soccer game with them beating Cruz Azul- Mexico! It was 10:30pm and I had not eaten since 3pm and I was hungry, wired with nervous energy, excited about the Team and all their accomplishments so far the year and on the prowl for food. On the table sits a bowl of apples and pears yet I begin to open cupboards. What is this I see up on the unreachable shelf? Doritos! I love Doritos! I close the cupboard trying to avoid them and open other food storage places in the house and I go back open the chip cupboard again and close it again. My brain is now so focused on the chips, nothing else will do. I reason with myself "you have not had these cheesy wondrous triangles in a long long time"..numerous months, maybe possibly close to a year. I get a cereal bowl down and pour me some. Yummy, yummy crunchy munchie goodness. Even though I failed this test I see one good thing in this process, I got a small bowl and portioned it out. Usually I eat straight out of the bag and have no idea how much I have eaten till I think whoa I better save some for someone else. Or ask someone to move them aways from me! I saw and I tasted and it was good and yet it was bad, very bad! Fail!
On to the very next day and I am not sure why I did not follow my same logic as the night before, but I make a turkey sandwich reached up in the cupboard and grabbed a can of pringles. I sit down at the computer to eat and facebook at the same time. Let me say eating at the computer has the same affect as eating while watching TV...you eat mindlessly and all of a sudden your snack is devoured, you have eaten the whole can of pringles! I have eaten the whole can of pringles! UgH! I tasted and tasted and tasted, I don't think I saw them or smelled them, just tasted. I am not sure why this happened as I was on the computer the night I ate the Doritos. I like Doritos way better than pringles. Why did I not chow down on the chip I like more? It was the difference of pouring some into a bowl vs. having the whole package in front of me. So why did I not use that logic? I am guessing because they are thin little crisps and I don't like them very much so I guess my thinking was I might not eat very many so no controlling measures needed. Wrong! And why do I have to have chips with a sandwich anyway? There are so many other options I have used! On this day it was because they were there I saw them and reacted to the past, chips go with sandwiches.
The other thing I have had to face is ice cream. My husband brings home ice cream alot. For the most part I can resist but it also depends on the flavor. I have had ice cream several times in the last week +. He knows what I am trying to do...lose weight and get healthier yet he still asks if I want some when he is dishing himself out a bowl. When I do give in to the temptation I ask him to serve only 5-7 bites worth so I get a very small taste. I need to stop that! He needs to stop buying these things and tempting me with them. I need to learn that, I doubt he will change so I have too somehow move past the choices and pick what will be of nutritional value for me. It is hard! I see and I taste!
To add to the poor choices this last 8 days I have not turned on my Wii even once. I have not done an actual workout. Well, I have done some things that burn calories and build muscles, but not a typical workout. I have spent a couple days for 2-4 hours on each day, trimming bushes and tree limbs, raking and bending over cleaning up the messes I have made from such chores. I have deep cleaned a couple rooms in the house and reorganized my pantry. I did get my heart rate up doing most of these activities and my body did hurt when completed so I have not been sitting still. But have been scared to death to get on the scale. At first I was going to skip it all together knowing I have had a bad almost 2 weeks. But then I thought, I need the accountability and need to be honest as this is what this blogging is about for me. It helps me see myself and helps others struggling with the same issues I am facing, so I have posted it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and I am happy. Even though it still went up instead of down, I am happy because I seriously thought it was going to be really bad and make me cry. I have hope and have stayed below my 300 that took so long to hit. I can learn and get back on track!
I wish the sights, smells and taste of food wasn't so enticing, did not trigger sensors in my brain to desire what I try to resist. I also wish my husband understood what he does to me by bringing in the tempting foods into the house. Even if I could say no each and every time it still should not be there! He does not have a weight problem and even still, they are not healthy for him either.
My daughter recently bought a book for me that I just started reading this week, I am only on page 50, but it is titled " The end of overeating" by David Kessler MD. So far I am understanding some of the reasons I don't have all the control I desire out of myself and hope to learn enough to take better action. It is explaining so far how sugar, salt and fat play to our brain sensors for reward and pleasure. Sounds like me for sure! I don't get why this has to be so hard, this making wise eating choices deal! I have plenty healthy options in the house, but I still select the wrong items. (Not every time, but why even sometimes) I have more to learn, more to conquer, more to understand, more adapting to a new way of living. The sights, smells and tastes are always going to be there, I need to learn not to do so much tasting when I smell and see the things I try to avoid. Food is like a drug, it gives us a momentary satisfaction, a feel good moment. I have to remember this statement and I am not sure if I thought this on my own trying to encourage someone else or I read it first, but I have used it a couple times in conversation with people trying to lose weight vs the exercise we attempt. "Eating brings us temporary pleasure, but we fill miserable when done, exercise makes us temporarily miserable, but we feel great pleasure when we are done" I need to put this on my fridge!
I know I feel more energy and more mental clarity when I exercise yet food has a better grip on me for it''s pleasures. I am not giving up and will keep learning and applying what I learn. I know I can get to the place where this will reverse and exercise will be a joy. I have been getting close to being excited to go do a workout. I am getting there it was just an awful week with to many temptations.
Before I sign off I have this one more thing to say; if anyone in your household is trying to lose weight and you are not, it still is not very supportive of you to bring home things that would be a temptation to your friend or family member. No matter how much you enjoy those things yourself they really aren't good for you either. We all can be strong in words saying it won't be a problem, but deep down it is a problem. Our brains focus on that bad item even when we aren't even looking at it we know it is there. Don't bring it in the house! Find another way to enjoy life, a walk, be creative, listen to music anything that takes pleasure focuses away from food. The holidays are approaching and we all have traditional dishes and activities that just happen, because that is what we have always done it is called tradition. I am going to try to change things up and start a healthy new tradition. The sights, smells and tastes will be all around us, do you have a plan to avoid some of the unhealthy traditions and start something new? Do it for you and your family! Activities bring memories even more than food can! I think after these last couple weeks I am going to make a daily meal plan at the start of each day. It may help me avoid searching out what may be lurking in the cupboards. The sights, smells and tastes will not consume me!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Can I get there from here by way of dancing?
I really don't get why this has to be so difficult for me. Why can't it be easier? I have the desire and think I have the knowledge. Am I being unrealistic? Do I have my hopes set to high? Do I really know what I am doing? I gained almost a pound back. I am doing a little dance. It is the step forward, step back dance. Sounds easy enough, but it is not the dance I want to be doing.
There is a break dancing battle happening in this process of weight loss. It is a dual of positive and negative continuously happening in my brain. The up and down emotions are so very tiring. I go from an extreme with an energetic elated high to a defeated, what the hell, depressed low. I wish I could have a consecutive pattern, because with every week having something new to battle and figure out, I wonder how long I can stay strong enough to get there. Every minute of the day there is a choice to be made. I am going against what I know and have lived in the past. We all live our lives based off of what we know, what we are surrounded with. The focus of what I want my life to be like and making the changes is very challenging.
Last week I was on a high, I did really good and excited about the weight loss. I had abounding energy! I thought once again, I have this figured out. I had ran the furthest I have ever run in about 20+ years and continued with that momentum and pushed even further (well not further), but this last week on 2 occasions I ran the 12 minute lap twice in a workout! Booya for me, I felt so alive that I could do that! I like this accomplished strong feeling! I now know with that little bit of running accomplished I have no limits as to what I can do. I have never felt like that before. (well maybe when I was a teenager I did, but that was ages and ages ago) This last week I even did a workout my trainer taught me earlier this year. It involved a zillion squats and stair raises. I did an arms/back workout with my resistant band as well and it felt great. My inner thighs kill and I am having a hard time walking and I could hardly lift my arms over my head for the next couple days. Putting on a shirt about did me in, but I love that feeling! It means I did something beyond myself. I did not go easy on myself! I also did a half hour session of Yoga with Bob from BL...LOL on my Wii...it about did me in! The first few minutes I was like well I wonder what I can do after this, because this is lame. Well, I realized that a Yoga workout is anything but lame...I almost gave up, because I was hurting so badly. I didn't, but wow! I really need to strengthen my core!
Anyway, with all this working out and accelerating what I am doing I thought I would have different results. I am changing up what I am doing! I thought I would see a minimum 2 lbs drop off, but no. I don't know why it didn't drop. Makes me wonder if I will ever get to where I am going. It is a dual! A battle of the mind for me. I am going through the motions, now if my brain would not make such a big deal of everything, at least the negatives. I like what my brain does with the positives.
I have fought my weaknesses each and every day and I will win. I can do this! I can continue to be strong at least for this next week. One week at a time, right? One pound at a time. I can get there if I am taking more steps forward than I am backwards. I will advance the battle lines and conquer this. I am stronger than what I believe I am. Today the dual ends on a positive.
I have been wanting to go try running on the High School track. Being I was running in place for 12 minutes at a time, I thought...I am ready to hit the outdoors and measure this! I wanted to run at least for 12 minutes and see if it was a mile and if not how long will it take me to run a mile? I had my daughter go with me and I was very nervous. Running in place with my Wii, I have visuals and encouragement along the way to know I can complete it. A track is kinda boring, but I wanted to know the distance in time that I was doing at home. It was a beautiful warmer day, only one other person at the track, so no distractions or worries. We set out running, well if you actually saw me it was more like a jog but hey I am moving forward! I made it one full lap before I had to stop, so a quarter mile. That was only 3 minutes not twelve. I figured that running in place for twelve minutes based off of this track running time, I am running the distance of a mile with my Wii! The difference of running in place in the family room and outside on pavement was a bit different to say the least. First there was a slight wind and I was wheezing after the quarter mile. Then the impact of my weight on the pavement made me hurt a little more...my hips and ankles were taking a beating. I am sure it is because of what I weigh and I am still sore from all the squats I did the other day. After the first lap was completed I did not want to give up so I walked for a lap and then ran in spurts, once the curve of the track and then three times on the straight aways. So in combination, I ran a half mile and walked a half mile. Not bad for the first time out, I will accept this run. Hello track, nice to meet you! Hello mile, lets dance! I will get there and after today, I am ready to hit the track some more! I want to run! I want to watch myself excel past today's new adventure!
I can get there by doing the dance 4 steps forward 1 step backward if that is the way it will be. I figure that I am making more forward steps than backwards steps so it is possible to get there! I wish my dance was a different one, but either way, I will get to twirl in the end.
There is a break dancing battle happening in this process of weight loss. It is a dual of positive and negative continuously happening in my brain. The up and down emotions are so very tiring. I go from an extreme with an energetic elated high to a defeated, what the hell, depressed low. I wish I could have a consecutive pattern, because with every week having something new to battle and figure out, I wonder how long I can stay strong enough to get there. Every minute of the day there is a choice to be made. I am going against what I know and have lived in the past. We all live our lives based off of what we know, what we are surrounded with. The focus of what I want my life to be like and making the changes is very challenging.
Last week I was on a high, I did really good and excited about the weight loss. I had abounding energy! I thought once again, I have this figured out. I had ran the furthest I have ever run in about 20+ years and continued with that momentum and pushed even further (well not further), but this last week on 2 occasions I ran the 12 minute lap twice in a workout! Booya for me, I felt so alive that I could do that! I like this accomplished strong feeling! I now know with that little bit of running accomplished I have no limits as to what I can do. I have never felt like that before. (well maybe when I was a teenager I did, but that was ages and ages ago) This last week I even did a workout my trainer taught me earlier this year. It involved a zillion squats and stair raises. I did an arms/back workout with my resistant band as well and it felt great. My inner thighs kill and I am having a hard time walking and I could hardly lift my arms over my head for the next couple days. Putting on a shirt about did me in, but I love that feeling! It means I did something beyond myself. I did not go easy on myself! I also did a half hour session of Yoga with Bob from BL...LOL on my Wii...it about did me in! The first few minutes I was like well I wonder what I can do after this, because this is lame. Well, I realized that a Yoga workout is anything but lame...I almost gave up, because I was hurting so badly. I didn't, but wow! I really need to strengthen my core!
Anyway, with all this working out and accelerating what I am doing I thought I would have different results. I am changing up what I am doing! I thought I would see a minimum 2 lbs drop off, but no. I don't know why it didn't drop. Makes me wonder if I will ever get to where I am going. It is a dual! A battle of the mind for me. I am going through the motions, now if my brain would not make such a big deal of everything, at least the negatives. I like what my brain does with the positives.
I have fought my weaknesses each and every day and I will win. I can do this! I can continue to be strong at least for this next week. One week at a time, right? One pound at a time. I can get there if I am taking more steps forward than I am backwards. I will advance the battle lines and conquer this. I am stronger than what I believe I am. Today the dual ends on a positive.
I have been wanting to go try running on the High School track. Being I was running in place for 12 minutes at a time, I thought...I am ready to hit the outdoors and measure this! I wanted to run at least for 12 minutes and see if it was a mile and if not how long will it take me to run a mile? I had my daughter go with me and I was very nervous. Running in place with my Wii, I have visuals and encouragement along the way to know I can complete it. A track is kinda boring, but I wanted to know the distance in time that I was doing at home. It was a beautiful warmer day, only one other person at the track, so no distractions or worries. We set out running, well if you actually saw me it was more like a jog but hey I am moving forward! I made it one full lap before I had to stop, so a quarter mile. That was only 3 minutes not twelve. I figured that running in place for twelve minutes based off of this track running time, I am running the distance of a mile with my Wii! The difference of running in place in the family room and outside on pavement was a bit different to say the least. First there was a slight wind and I was wheezing after the quarter mile. Then the impact of my weight on the pavement made me hurt a little more...my hips and ankles were taking a beating. I am sure it is because of what I weigh and I am still sore from all the squats I did the other day. After the first lap was completed I did not want to give up so I walked for a lap and then ran in spurts, once the curve of the track and then three times on the straight aways. So in combination, I ran a half mile and walked a half mile. Not bad for the first time out, I will accept this run. Hello track, nice to meet you! Hello mile, lets dance! I will get there and after today, I am ready to hit the track some more! I want to run! I want to watch myself excel past today's new adventure!
I can get there by doing the dance 4 steps forward 1 step backward if that is the way it will be. I figure that I am making more forward steps than backwards steps so it is possible to get there! I wish my dance was a different one, but either way, I will get to twirl in the end.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Listening to Myself
Why is it that we as humans are really good at giving advice to others, but can't seem to notice the log in our own eye and take our own advice? I have learned many healthy bits over the years and the changes I have applied this week are facts that I already knew and have actually recently shared to others who were seeking advice or encouragement, yet it took some serious frustration to see that I am not applying it to myself.
Last week after I posted my blog, Biggest Loser was on that evening. For the first time since watching BL I was ticked off instead of motivated. It was their first weigh in of the season and they have been on the ranch for a full week which always makes for huge weight loss, because they have had such a drastic change in their diet and exercise. As I watched them weigh in, the least weight loss was 12 lbs and the largest was 41 lbs...in a freakin' week! Here I am struggling to lose 2 lbs a week and in the overall time I have been trying to concentrate on this not even a total of 41 lbs which this guy lost in a week! Damn! I was so ticked off! I sat and glared at the TV, my arms crossed in front of me, wiping away tears of pure madness, mad as hell that I was struggling and not seeing very good results on my journey. Mad I was not chosen to be on the show (which I have never felt until that moment) I stayed mad through the night and felt depressed the next day, so I started reading some of my health magazines and books glancing for any clues as to what I need to change for success.
One that popped out was actually one I have told contestants on BL (talking to the TV) ...LOL my oh my..there it is right in front of me and in so many exercise articles... "change up what you are doing"! The reason I have talked to the TV on biggest loser is when they weigh in and have either gained a pound or barley lost 1lb and they have worked their butts off all week, I know enough about this to say" girl you are doing the same exercise routine day in and day out change it up, your body is now used to this regimen". I think I did not realize this in myself, because I have had some great improvements that I did not think of it in terms of it being the same thing over and over again. I have been doing balance things for a warm up for 20-30 minutes before I venture into cardio and the training plus segments on my Wii. Then I alternate cardio in between other exercises. Same routine for the last month. Take my own advice and change it up!
Another thing I learned with which I already knew; to lose a pound, you must burn 3,500 calories. I also know about starvation dieting trying to take in less calories and I have been doing that out of desperation lately. You see if you eat less than 1,200 calories a day you sabotage the results. I was not eating enough through the day and end out with the munchies at 9:30 -10pm and make a bunch of popcorn to munch out on, double sabotage. Cardio is weight loss extra credit! It allows you to burn extra calories without actually over training which can happen with resistance training. As Jullian Michaels says: Do the math! If you are eating 1,500 calories a day and assume your BMR is about 1,600 and you do 2 cardio workouts a day ( morning & night) the two sessions burning 500 calories each along with your daily activities will speed up your metabolism to at least 2,000. As a result, you will have burned about 1,500 calories that day and that is almost half a pound. At that rate you will be losing up to 3.5 pounds a week. Thank you Jillian for the reminder on the math and not starving oneself to skimp on the calorie intake! I knew this at one point and have shared recently to someone else not to starve themselves cause it messes up your metabolism..Take my own advice and eat! don't starve yourself!
Another healthy piece of advice which I have heard over and over from my trainers to magazine articles, from my own flippin mouth, " Don't weigh yourself, but once a week!" I have gotten so obsessive about weighing myself and would tell myself to stop it, but not listen to myself or all the advice being poured out to me. I think that weighing myself everyday created stressful frustrating confusion in my head and body. To many head games happening that it was sabotaging my efforts. Take the advice and weigh myself once a week!
I have recently also signed up for an online 8 week email thing called Experience Life Action Challenge where they send you an email on Mondays with simple steps to make healthy changes throughout the week. So I will have some more tips on hand when I need to make other changes in the future and yes, I will be applying them now too.
This week I made some changes listening to what I already knew and needed to apply. I even ran the lap around the Island on Wii which is the longest run I have done so far. It was a challenge for sure. I had to encourage myself thru the whole run to not give up, letting myself know I was half way done, that I could do it. Telling myself how good it will feel to accomplish another step and completing something that has been hard to do. When I got done...I was beaming, smiling and it felt wonderful. It was a 12 minute run, double what I have done so far. I am now wondering how long it would take me to run a mile, because I feel like I might be there or close. I need to hit up a track and measure it. Booya to me!
So now the question is; did the changes help? Did I have a successful week? Did I lose weight?
It is funny how much seeing a number on the scale can bring tears or confidence, this week it is confidence! I was in total shock stepping on that Wii seeing the BMI # lower than I have ever seen it! My mouth dropped open when I saw my weight, I sat down and shed a happy tear, I lost 4.4 lbs.
I am cheering and joyous, because the one thing I can measure changed for the good, I listened to myself and applied what I have learned. I am moving forward, running a new lap and feeling great about my accomplishments.
Last week after I posted my blog, Biggest Loser was on that evening. For the first time since watching BL I was ticked off instead of motivated. It was their first weigh in of the season and they have been on the ranch for a full week which always makes for huge weight loss, because they have had such a drastic change in their diet and exercise. As I watched them weigh in, the least weight loss was 12 lbs and the largest was 41 lbs...in a freakin' week! Here I am struggling to lose 2 lbs a week and in the overall time I have been trying to concentrate on this not even a total of 41 lbs which this guy lost in a week! Damn! I was so ticked off! I sat and glared at the TV, my arms crossed in front of me, wiping away tears of pure madness, mad as hell that I was struggling and not seeing very good results on my journey. Mad I was not chosen to be on the show (which I have never felt until that moment) I stayed mad through the night and felt depressed the next day, so I started reading some of my health magazines and books glancing for any clues as to what I need to change for success.
One that popped out was actually one I have told contestants on BL (talking to the TV) ...LOL my oh my..there it is right in front of me and in so many exercise articles... "change up what you are doing"! The reason I have talked to the TV on biggest loser is when they weigh in and have either gained a pound or barley lost 1lb and they have worked their butts off all week, I know enough about this to say" girl you are doing the same exercise routine day in and day out change it up, your body is now used to this regimen". I think I did not realize this in myself, because I have had some great improvements that I did not think of it in terms of it being the same thing over and over again. I have been doing balance things for a warm up for 20-30 minutes before I venture into cardio and the training plus segments on my Wii. Then I alternate cardio in between other exercises. Same routine for the last month. Take my own advice and change it up!
Another thing I learned with which I already knew; to lose a pound, you must burn 3,500 calories. I also know about starvation dieting trying to take in less calories and I have been doing that out of desperation lately. You see if you eat less than 1,200 calories a day you sabotage the results. I was not eating enough through the day and end out with the munchies at 9:30 -10pm and make a bunch of popcorn to munch out on, double sabotage. Cardio is weight loss extra credit! It allows you to burn extra calories without actually over training which can happen with resistance training. As Jullian Michaels says: Do the math! If you are eating 1,500 calories a day and assume your BMR is about 1,600 and you do 2 cardio workouts a day ( morning & night) the two sessions burning 500 calories each along with your daily activities will speed up your metabolism to at least 2,000. As a result, you will have burned about 1,500 calories that day and that is almost half a pound. At that rate you will be losing up to 3.5 pounds a week. Thank you Jillian for the reminder on the math and not starving oneself to skimp on the calorie intake! I knew this at one point and have shared recently to someone else not to starve themselves cause it messes up your metabolism..Take my own advice and eat! don't starve yourself!
Another healthy piece of advice which I have heard over and over from my trainers to magazine articles, from my own flippin mouth, " Don't weigh yourself, but once a week!" I have gotten so obsessive about weighing myself and would tell myself to stop it, but not listen to myself or all the advice being poured out to me. I think that weighing myself everyday created stressful frustrating confusion in my head and body. To many head games happening that it was sabotaging my efforts. Take the advice and weigh myself once a week!
I have recently also signed up for an online 8 week email thing called Experience Life Action Challenge where they send you an email on Mondays with simple steps to make healthy changes throughout the week. So I will have some more tips on hand when I need to make other changes in the future and yes, I will be applying them now too.
This week I made some changes listening to what I already knew and needed to apply. I even ran the lap around the Island on Wii which is the longest run I have done so far. It was a challenge for sure. I had to encourage myself thru the whole run to not give up, letting myself know I was half way done, that I could do it. Telling myself how good it will feel to accomplish another step and completing something that has been hard to do. When I got done...I was beaming, smiling and it felt wonderful. It was a 12 minute run, double what I have done so far. I am now wondering how long it would take me to run a mile, because I feel like I might be there or close. I need to hit up a track and measure it. Booya to me!
So now the question is; did the changes help? Did I have a successful week? Did I lose weight?
It is funny how much seeing a number on the scale can bring tears or confidence, this week it is confidence! I was in total shock stepping on that Wii seeing the BMI # lower than I have ever seen it! My mouth dropped open when I saw my weight, I sat down and shed a happy tear, I lost 4.4 lbs.
I am cheering and joyous, because the one thing I can measure changed for the good, I listened to myself and applied what I have learned. I am moving forward, running a new lap and feeling great about my accomplishments.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
It is how we measure
I have had a couple rough weeks and although I had a blog ready to write a little over a week ago, I got busy. You see things haven't changed much since my last blog Sept 7th. The weight gain vs. loss became very emotional and I had actually gained 1 more pound back before it started to drop again. Ugh! I wish I could lose as fast as I gain, because it is a battle already without having to redo the loses. I guess over the years I could say I have lost lots of pounds the way my body rolls back and forth, but when you gain it back I guess it really does not count. Which leads me to my point for this blog.
I subscribe to many health related Facebook fan pages and emails to be sent to me for the purpose of encouragement and knowledge about healthy eating and exercise. I love getting them, because my husband really does not get how to help in this aspect of being helpful or an encourager. In fact sometimes I view him as my sabotager..if that is even a word. He brings home treats and processed foods saying hey it was cheap so I purchased...ugh! I am really working at a clean/whole foods eating approach!
Anyway, back to the tidbits I get via Internet resources, lately they have been about "not counting on your scale for success". I am having to do that lately as I am moving so slowly at the pounds coming off that I have to find something successful in all of this. As I try to apply this method of success I realize how hard it is, because people don't come up to you and ask " Have you gotten any better at cardio exercises?" or "How is the coordination and balance coming along"? or "How is your strengthening exercises going"? Nope the question I always get is "how much weight have you lost"?
We jump on the scale to measure how successful we are and it gives us a number we can share. This is how we measure weight loss, no getting around that! But with my challenges and focus on weight loss, I lose sight of the other successes I am having. I guess there isn't really a way to measure the other things specifically. If there is I don't have access to them.
Since my weight loss is such a slow process and it frustrates me to tears and is hard to stay motivated, I need to rely on the other positives taking place in this journey. It isn't all about the weight loss, but what I am doing to improve my health and way of living. I am able to do so much more because of the exercises.
On my Wii there are uplifting things that happen and Wii told me to share that I am now a Gold Level which means I have logged 40+ hours ( that took place a couple weeks ago) ! My huge improvements over the last few weeks have been in the cardio exercises. When I started on Wii there is a basic 3 minute run to chose from and the first time I got brave enough to go for the run, I seriously did not think I could finish it. I was breathing like a bad case of asthma had struck me down, but Wii encourages you and when it said I was half way done keep up the good work, I could not let it down...LOL so I finished, completely unable to breathe and I was not able to do another thing afterwards. It took me awhile to get my breathing back to normal. Here is the measurement difference that motivates me, I am now running the long run which is 5-6 minutes depending on the guide I have and running that 3 times a day in intervals between other cardio exercises like the advanced step which I do 4-5 times in a row now! (step has helped me see improvements in my coordination)! You see I have not run in about 6 years because 6 yrs ago I tore my achilles. It was so painful and took about 6 months to recover from and another 3 years of severe charlie horse cramps in my leg that I have been afraid to run. I never wanted to feel that pain again. I faced a fear and have started running. Now yes, they are short runs, but getting better for longer runs and more intervals. Yesterday, near the end of my workout I opened yet another longer run and I look forward to selecting it and give it a go! I am not afraid to select cardio things I think may be tough to do anymore. I am learning to push myself beyond the current comfort zones. Next I want to run a mile, then work towards a 5K and who knows where all that will lead. I know there are bigger things ahead and I will get there. Heck, my husband pulled out a jump rope last week and he and Dixie were seeing if they could jump rope and how many rotations. I came outside and he said " I bet you can't even make it 10 rotations"...not sure if that was a dare or lack of confidence in my ability by him, but I took the handles and made it 15 times before it caught my feet and not because I couldn't do it. I was proud of myself! A month ago, I would have been afraid I couldn't even jump, not even once. Coordination happening and no fear!
I am starting to see that the scale is not the only way to measure my successes. Granted I want to see the numbers drop and it makes me feel good to see that, but there are other things to measure to see success.
I have one more thing I am going to share and this was an emotional (tearing up now) decision, but I am going to post my weight loss over on the right column. I thought about this for awhile and figured it could only be a good thing. I realized yesterday as I contemplated it even more that I should! After all when I tried out for Biggest Loser I knew a million + people would see what I weighed and if I was so willing to be on the show and expose that part of me I should be brave and do it on my blog. It is very embarrassing and makes me cry to realize I haven't tried to do anything about it till recently, but I recently had a friend post a blog sight to me that had an incredible motivating video. The blogger had his weight loss and running miles posted on his page as well. It was very encouraging for me to see the pounds and dates as they dropped, I decided that if it encouraged me, I want to encourage anyone reading mine that it can be done. I have posted a link at the end of a video on his page. Very inspiring!
There are many ways to measure your successes in your health. Some things start out in baby steps, but you have to start somewhere. Every little change reaps big rewards in your health. See what you can do to start and just keep pushing yourself forward. " When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!" Ben Does Life- Inspiration
I subscribe to many health related Facebook fan pages and emails to be sent to me for the purpose of encouragement and knowledge about healthy eating and exercise. I love getting them, because my husband really does not get how to help in this aspect of being helpful or an encourager. In fact sometimes I view him as my sabotager..if that is even a word. He brings home treats and processed foods saying hey it was cheap so I purchased...ugh! I am really working at a clean/whole foods eating approach!
Anyway, back to the tidbits I get via Internet resources, lately they have been about "not counting on your scale for success". I am having to do that lately as I am moving so slowly at the pounds coming off that I have to find something successful in all of this. As I try to apply this method of success I realize how hard it is, because people don't come up to you and ask " Have you gotten any better at cardio exercises?" or "How is the coordination and balance coming along"? or "How is your strengthening exercises going"? Nope the question I always get is "how much weight have you lost"?
We jump on the scale to measure how successful we are and it gives us a number we can share. This is how we measure weight loss, no getting around that! But with my challenges and focus on weight loss, I lose sight of the other successes I am having. I guess there isn't really a way to measure the other things specifically. If there is I don't have access to them.
Since my weight loss is such a slow process and it frustrates me to tears and is hard to stay motivated, I need to rely on the other positives taking place in this journey. It isn't all about the weight loss, but what I am doing to improve my health and way of living. I am able to do so much more because of the exercises.
On my Wii there are uplifting things that happen and Wii told me to share that I am now a Gold Level which means I have logged 40+ hours ( that took place a couple weeks ago) ! My huge improvements over the last few weeks have been in the cardio exercises. When I started on Wii there is a basic 3 minute run to chose from and the first time I got brave enough to go for the run, I seriously did not think I could finish it. I was breathing like a bad case of asthma had struck me down, but Wii encourages you and when it said I was half way done keep up the good work, I could not let it down...LOL so I finished, completely unable to breathe and I was not able to do another thing afterwards. It took me awhile to get my breathing back to normal. Here is the measurement difference that motivates me, I am now running the long run which is 5-6 minutes depending on the guide I have and running that 3 times a day in intervals between other cardio exercises like the advanced step which I do 4-5 times in a row now! (step has helped me see improvements in my coordination)! You see I have not run in about 6 years because 6 yrs ago I tore my achilles. It was so painful and took about 6 months to recover from and another 3 years of severe charlie horse cramps in my leg that I have been afraid to run. I never wanted to feel that pain again. I faced a fear and have started running. Now yes, they are short runs, but getting better for longer runs and more intervals. Yesterday, near the end of my workout I opened yet another longer run and I look forward to selecting it and give it a go! I am not afraid to select cardio things I think may be tough to do anymore. I am learning to push myself beyond the current comfort zones. Next I want to run a mile, then work towards a 5K and who knows where all that will lead. I know there are bigger things ahead and I will get there. Heck, my husband pulled out a jump rope last week and he and Dixie were seeing if they could jump rope and how many rotations. I came outside and he said " I bet you can't even make it 10 rotations"...not sure if that was a dare or lack of confidence in my ability by him, but I took the handles and made it 15 times before it caught my feet and not because I couldn't do it. I was proud of myself! A month ago, I would have been afraid I couldn't even jump, not even once. Coordination happening and no fear!
I am starting to see that the scale is not the only way to measure my successes. Granted I want to see the numbers drop and it makes me feel good to see that, but there are other things to measure to see success.
I have one more thing I am going to share and this was an emotional (tearing up now) decision, but I am going to post my weight loss over on the right column. I thought about this for awhile and figured it could only be a good thing. I realized yesterday as I contemplated it even more that I should! After all when I tried out for Biggest Loser I knew a million + people would see what I weighed and if I was so willing to be on the show and expose that part of me I should be brave and do it on my blog. It is very embarrassing and makes me cry to realize I haven't tried to do anything about it till recently, but I recently had a friend post a blog sight to me that had an incredible motivating video. The blogger had his weight loss and running miles posted on his page as well. It was very encouraging for me to see the pounds and dates as they dropped, I decided that if it encouraged me, I want to encourage anyone reading mine that it can be done. I have posted a link at the end of a video on his page. Very inspiring!
There are many ways to measure your successes in your health. Some things start out in baby steps, but you have to start somewhere. Every little change reaps big rewards in your health. See what you can do to start and just keep pushing yourself forward. " When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!" Ben Does Life- Inspiration
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Why does one day have to matter so much?
24 hours ago I was high on life! Everything I was doing seemed to have a great positive momentum and I thought I had finally figured out what will work for me to lose all this weight! I was on a roll, feeling good, seeing success, my weight loss graph had a big downward slope! I had great hope that I could go all the way with my task!
In the last month I had lost 11.5 lbs and 8 lbs of that have been since August 20th! Today, a rise on the graph took place. As I saw the graph on my Wii create a new peak and have the Mii tell me I am Obese, I yelled out loud a big frustrated "Duh! That is why I am on here ya dumb shit"! The Wii says it every time I get on, but today it really bugged me, because instead of heading in the direction I wanted, it rose 3 lbs...ughhh!
I had a melt down and I am not talking fat melting, but a mental melt down! I started crying! Why does one day matter so much? I started pacing the room yelling at myself, even used the eF word which to me is one of the worst words ever and I hate hearing others use it. Yet here I am, eF this and eF that directed at myself! I got mad and decided I was going to workout so I hopped on the Wii crying my eyes out! I was bound and determined to not let it knock me down, I was not going to let the mental negatives take over! I was in fighting mode!
Lets just say that with all the determined fight I had inside screaming to get past this moment, it actually got worse. Each and every exercise was a battle that I was not winning. The first 3 or 4 exercises I did today, I was getting the worst scores ever on! Oh what a rotten, depressing day! I thought I had a melt down a few minutes earlier, now I am sobbing wondering what in the hell is wrong with me! Why does this day have to be! It feels defeating. I lost my mojo, my confidence and feel that I know nothing anymore! I wanted to go back to bed and pretend it is just a nightmare. I was crying so hard and so mad at myself and wondered what it was going to take. I stared out the window sobbing hoping nobody heard me cursing ( it was pretty loud, I was happy the windows weren't open!) wondering how I was going to get through this day.
I am happy to report that I am blessed with a brain function that realizes when I am hard on myself like this, I have the capability to recognize that what I am doing to myself is self destructive and not going to be of any benefit and quickly I shift gears. I decide I need to fight the negative and get back to work. I can do this!
I don't know why I let this one day matter so much! Why do such events hit me so hard and tear me down. After all there are so many more great days than this lousy one day so why let it get to me?
I started to think about that more, "why does this one day matter so much" and discovered I was saying it negatively, so I switched where I was enunciating the phrase and heard it in a positive way instead. When I am mad at myself I tend to dwell on words over and over again and this time I heard the phrase differently then how I was using it. Instead of crying about it, learn from it!
I started asking myself questions about why would there be such a big difference in 24 hours, what is this picture I have to face? What can I learn?
I started looking at my food intake and discovered an underlying problem. I rewarded myself with food, hum. There it is! And it is NOT good! I had been doing so well with my workouts and careful with what I was eating that when a nice momentum took hold I had a sense of freedom, because something was working. I felt invincible! I had it going on and nothing was going to stop me! I felt like I had this weight loss figured out and in the bag! So with this high I was on I made a couple meals that I love and instead of leaving out the unhealthy ingredients I went all out! I seemed to not care, I do remember a brief thought of "man,I probably shouldn't do this, but these couple things won't be that big of a deal. After all my metabolism seems to be kicking in to a higher level working for me now!"...Did I listen...nope, because I am invincible! I have read not to totally deprive yourself some of your food pleasures so you won't binge out on it at some point and used that as part of my excuse. LOL..oh my, ya right and now I see that on the scale. I failed on the scale! I failed in my decision making! Now I am paying for it....suck!
Why does one day matter so much? Today mattered because even through all the tears and the melt down, I grew and learned something about myself; I reward myself with food. Now move on and find another way to reward myself! I also did not give up today. When I was crying and wanted to go back to bed and forget about it all, I realized I am one tough cookie! I stayed down stairs, whipped away my tears and jumped back on the Wii for a 2 hour workout! I burned 720 calories...yes ma'am! I can do this and each day does matter because I am growing and learning what I need to do, who I am and what I am am capable of...something far greater than what I have done so far! Now I need to make each day matter!
When you are faced with a horrid moment or day on your journey, don't let it take over! Whip away the tears, learn from it, focus on the successes and get up and move toward your dream!
In the last month I had lost 11.5 lbs and 8 lbs of that have been since August 20th! Today, a rise on the graph took place. As I saw the graph on my Wii create a new peak and have the Mii tell me I am Obese, I yelled out loud a big frustrated "Duh! That is why I am on here ya dumb shit"! The Wii says it every time I get on, but today it really bugged me, because instead of heading in the direction I wanted, it rose 3 lbs...ughhh!
I had a melt down and I am not talking fat melting, but a mental melt down! I started crying! Why does one day matter so much? I started pacing the room yelling at myself, even used the eF word which to me is one of the worst words ever and I hate hearing others use it. Yet here I am, eF this and eF that directed at myself! I got mad and decided I was going to workout so I hopped on the Wii crying my eyes out! I was bound and determined to not let it knock me down, I was not going to let the mental negatives take over! I was in fighting mode!
Lets just say that with all the determined fight I had inside screaming to get past this moment, it actually got worse. Each and every exercise was a battle that I was not winning. The first 3 or 4 exercises I did today, I was getting the worst scores ever on! Oh what a rotten, depressing day! I thought I had a melt down a few minutes earlier, now I am sobbing wondering what in the hell is wrong with me! Why does this day have to be! It feels defeating. I lost my mojo, my confidence and feel that I know nothing anymore! I wanted to go back to bed and pretend it is just a nightmare. I was crying so hard and so mad at myself and wondered what it was going to take. I stared out the window sobbing hoping nobody heard me cursing ( it was pretty loud, I was happy the windows weren't open!) wondering how I was going to get through this day.
I am happy to report that I am blessed with a brain function that realizes when I am hard on myself like this, I have the capability to recognize that what I am doing to myself is self destructive and not going to be of any benefit and quickly I shift gears. I decide I need to fight the negative and get back to work. I can do this!
I don't know why I let this one day matter so much! Why do such events hit me so hard and tear me down. After all there are so many more great days than this lousy one day so why let it get to me?
I started to think about that more, "why does this one day matter so much" and discovered I was saying it negatively, so I switched where I was enunciating the phrase and heard it in a positive way instead. When I am mad at myself I tend to dwell on words over and over again and this time I heard the phrase differently then how I was using it. Instead of crying about it, learn from it!
I started asking myself questions about why would there be such a big difference in 24 hours, what is this picture I have to face? What can I learn?
I started looking at my food intake and discovered an underlying problem. I rewarded myself with food, hum. There it is! And it is NOT good! I had been doing so well with my workouts and careful with what I was eating that when a nice momentum took hold I had a sense of freedom, because something was working. I felt invincible! I had it going on and nothing was going to stop me! I felt like I had this weight loss figured out and in the bag! So with this high I was on I made a couple meals that I love and instead of leaving out the unhealthy ingredients I went all out! I seemed to not care, I do remember a brief thought of "man,I probably shouldn't do this, but these couple things won't be that big of a deal. After all my metabolism seems to be kicking in to a higher level working for me now!"...Did I listen...nope, because I am invincible! I have read not to totally deprive yourself some of your food pleasures so you won't binge out on it at some point and used that as part of my excuse. LOL..oh my, ya right and now I see that on the scale. I failed on the scale! I failed in my decision making! Now I am paying for it....suck!
Why does one day matter so much? Today mattered because even through all the tears and the melt down, I grew and learned something about myself; I reward myself with food. Now move on and find another way to reward myself! I also did not give up today. When I was crying and wanted to go back to bed and forget about it all, I realized I am one tough cookie! I stayed down stairs, whipped away my tears and jumped back on the Wii for a 2 hour workout! I burned 720 calories...yes ma'am! I can do this and each day does matter because I am growing and learning what I need to do, who I am and what I am am capable of...something far greater than what I have done so far! Now I need to make each day matter!
When you are faced with a horrid moment or day on your journey, don't let it take over! Whip away the tears, learn from it, focus on the successes and get up and move toward your dream!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
It is all about the little things
The more I look at life the more I see it is the little things that matter most. Those little things apply to everything! I used to only look at the big things and roll my eyes and say "yeah, whatever" whenever someone stated that quote. My mind would basically shut down upon those words. You see I always have been wowed by the big things in life! Someone else's great accomplishments, in business, sports, talents of any sort, having an impact on the world or their personal community. I am now realizing that people do not get to the big moments without the smaller things mattering first.
I recently read an article about Blake Mycoski founder of TOMS shoes. This company started just 4 years ago and it is a remarkable company! This company is doing amazing things, big things, important things! As I read his story, I realized it started with the little things. He had a catalyst moment in his life that took off on wanting to change something he saw! He was on a trip and saw a need and wanted to do something about it. He did not know how exactly, but had a passion that set things in motion. The small things lead to the success of his company which is making a global impact. I read words in the article like; passion, risks, obstacles, opportunity, change, simplicity, optimism, experience, clarify and enthusiasm and the reason they stood out is the fact that they all fit my journey. Probably would fit any ones journey for that matter.
It is the little things that we do that makes the bigger things we desire take shape. We have to clarify what the bigger picture goal is and then simplify and make smaller goals to get there.There will be obstacles along the way. The risks we take can make us stronger and give us experience. Have a passion for what you want to accomplish. The opportunity is there before us so jump in with some enthusiasm and make the necessary changes. It is the little things that matter!
This last week, I have read from different resources a quote being said a few different ways but all meaning about the same thing. It is funny how God puts reoccurring points out there for us to see. He is trying to help us if we take the time to notice. The 4 quotes that have stood out to me this week because of the theme they carry follows:
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion"
"The destination is not as important as the journey"
"Why dream it when you can do it" and
"Pick something and practice and work on it until you're good at it. You can only change if you are in motion" ~ Donald Miller
So the little things I am doing and practicing are working me into a forward motion to get me to the destination of my dreams. I am a work in progress! I am on my journey and taking it all in to learn and grow.
Another article I read was at the beginning of each day making a statement and writing down " what will I do today that will help me move forward towards my goal"
Today I will first have a glass of water before my tea and breakfast (ways to add water in my day to stay hydrated)
Today I will exercise enough to burn at least 600 calories ( goals to push myself farther)
Today I will eat smaller meals ( learning to portion size and realize I am full and can still have energy)
Today I will not be so critical of myself ( learning to appreciate Gods creation in me)
I am thrilled to say that since Aug 2nd I have lost 8.4 lbs! One month and so far averaging 2 lbs a week! Nice! Yesterday was frustrating though. I could not master some of the exercises I have gotten really good at prior and it drove me crazy. My body was stiff, I had no sense of balance. I called it a day yesterday after 30 minutes of a workout. Frustration got the best of me. Today my 600 calories to burn was to not give up when I feel frustrated with my lack of ability because each day is a new day! Today, I still felt stiff, but able to master the things I could not yesterday. I ended my routine today learning me some yoga! I did a sun salutation, palm tree, a chair and a warrior! The chair was the hardest! Wii says I have good control and posture! so on that note..... concentrate on the little things you can do,get your body in motion and stay hydrated!
I recently read an article about Blake Mycoski founder of TOMS shoes. This company started just 4 years ago and it is a remarkable company! This company is doing amazing things, big things, important things! As I read his story, I realized it started with the little things. He had a catalyst moment in his life that took off on wanting to change something he saw! He was on a trip and saw a need and wanted to do something about it. He did not know how exactly, but had a passion that set things in motion. The small things lead to the success of his company which is making a global impact. I read words in the article like; passion, risks, obstacles, opportunity, change, simplicity, optimism, experience, clarify and enthusiasm and the reason they stood out is the fact that they all fit my journey. Probably would fit any ones journey for that matter.
It is the little things that we do that makes the bigger things we desire take shape. We have to clarify what the bigger picture goal is and then simplify and make smaller goals to get there.There will be obstacles along the way. The risks we take can make us stronger and give us experience. Have a passion for what you want to accomplish. The opportunity is there before us so jump in with some enthusiasm and make the necessary changes. It is the little things that matter!
This last week, I have read from different resources a quote being said a few different ways but all meaning about the same thing. It is funny how God puts reoccurring points out there for us to see. He is trying to help us if we take the time to notice. The 4 quotes that have stood out to me this week because of the theme they carry follows:
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion"
"The destination is not as important as the journey"
"Why dream it when you can do it" and
"Pick something and practice and work on it until you're good at it. You can only change if you are in motion" ~ Donald Miller
So the little things I am doing and practicing are working me into a forward motion to get me to the destination of my dreams. I am a work in progress! I am on my journey and taking it all in to learn and grow.
Another article I read was at the beginning of each day making a statement and writing down " what will I do today that will help me move forward towards my goal"
Today I will first have a glass of water before my tea and breakfast (ways to add water in my day to stay hydrated)
Today I will exercise enough to burn at least 600 calories ( goals to push myself farther)
Today I will eat smaller meals ( learning to portion size and realize I am full and can still have energy)
Today I will not be so critical of myself ( learning to appreciate Gods creation in me)
I am thrilled to say that since Aug 2nd I have lost 8.4 lbs! One month and so far averaging 2 lbs a week! Nice! Yesterday was frustrating though. I could not master some of the exercises I have gotten really good at prior and it drove me crazy. My body was stiff, I had no sense of balance. I called it a day yesterday after 30 minutes of a workout. Frustration got the best of me. Today my 600 calories to burn was to not give up when I feel frustrated with my lack of ability because each day is a new day! Today, I still felt stiff, but able to master the things I could not yesterday. I ended my routine today learning me some yoga! I did a sun salutation, palm tree, a chair and a warrior! The chair was the hardest! Wii says I have good control and posture! so on that note..... concentrate on the little things you can do,get your body in motion and stay hydrated!
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