I have had a couple rough weeks and although I had a blog ready to write a little over a week ago, I got busy. You see things haven't changed much since my last blog Sept 7th. The weight gain vs. loss became very emotional and I had actually gained 1 more pound back before it started to drop again. Ugh! I wish I could lose as fast as I gain, because it is a battle already without having to redo the loses. I guess over the years I could say I have lost lots of pounds the way my body rolls back and forth, but when you gain it back I guess it really does not count. Which leads me to my point for this blog.
I subscribe to many health related Facebook fan pages and emails to be sent to me for the purpose of encouragement and knowledge about healthy eating and exercise. I love getting them, because my husband really does not get how to help in this aspect of being helpful or an encourager. In fact sometimes I view him as my sabotager..if that is even a word. He brings home treats and processed foods saying hey it was cheap so I purchased...ugh! I am really working at a clean/whole foods eating approach!
Anyway, back to the tidbits I get via Internet resources, lately they have been about "not counting on your scale for success". I am having to do that lately as I am moving so slowly at the pounds coming off that I have to find something successful in all of this. As I try to apply this method of success I realize how hard it is, because people don't come up to you and ask " Have you gotten any better at cardio exercises?" or "How is the coordination and balance coming along"? or "How is your strengthening exercises going"? Nope the question I always get is "how much weight have you lost"?
We jump on the scale to measure how successful we are and it gives us a number we can share. This is how we measure weight loss, no getting around that! But with my challenges and focus on weight loss, I lose sight of the other successes I am having. I guess there isn't really a way to measure the other things specifically. If there is I don't have access to them.
Since my weight loss is such a slow process and it frustrates me to tears and is hard to stay motivated, I need to rely on the other positives taking place in this journey. It isn't all about the weight loss, but what I am doing to improve my health and way of living. I am able to do so much more because of the exercises.
On my Wii there are uplifting things that happen and Wii told me to share that I am now a Gold Level which means I have logged 40+ hours ( that took place a couple weeks ago) ! My huge improvements over the last few weeks have been in the cardio exercises. When I started on Wii there is a basic 3 minute run to chose from and the first time I got brave enough to go for the run, I seriously did not think I could finish it. I was breathing like a bad case of asthma had struck me down, but Wii encourages you and when it said I was half way done keep up the good work, I could not let it down...LOL so I finished, completely unable to breathe and I was not able to do another thing afterwards. It took me awhile to get my breathing back to normal. Here is the measurement difference that motivates me, I am now running the long run which is 5-6 minutes depending on the guide I have and running that 3 times a day in intervals between other cardio exercises like the advanced step which I do 4-5 times in a row now! (step has helped me see improvements in my coordination)! You see I have not run in about 6 years because 6 yrs ago I tore my achilles. It was so painful and took about 6 months to recover from and another 3 years of severe charlie horse cramps in my leg that I have been afraid to run. I never wanted to feel that pain again. I faced a fear and have started running. Now yes, they are short runs, but getting better for longer runs and more intervals. Yesterday, near the end of my workout I opened yet another longer run and I look forward to selecting it and give it a go! I am not afraid to select cardio things I think may be tough to do anymore. I am learning to push myself beyond the current comfort zones. Next I want to run a mile, then work towards a 5K and who knows where all that will lead. I know there are bigger things ahead and I will get there. Heck, my husband pulled out a jump rope last week and he and Dixie were seeing if they could jump rope and how many rotations. I came outside and he said " I bet you can't even make it 10 rotations"...not sure if that was a dare or lack of confidence in my ability by him, but I took the handles and made it 15 times before it caught my feet and not because I couldn't do it. I was proud of myself! A month ago, I would have been afraid I couldn't even jump, not even once. Coordination happening and no fear!
I am starting to see that the scale is not the only way to measure my successes. Granted I want to see the numbers drop and it makes me feel good to see that, but there are other things to measure to see success.
I have one more thing I am going to share and this was an emotional (tearing up now) decision, but I am going to post my weight loss over on the right column. I thought about this for awhile and figured it could only be a good thing. I realized yesterday as I contemplated it even more that I should! After all when I tried out for Biggest Loser I knew a million + people would see what I weighed and if I was so willing to be on the show and expose that part of me I should be brave and do it on my blog. It is very embarrassing and makes me cry to realize I haven't tried to do anything about it till recently, but I recently had a friend post a blog sight to me that had an incredible motivating video. The blogger had his weight loss and running miles posted on his page as well. It was very encouraging for me to see the pounds and dates as they dropped, I decided that if it encouraged me, I want to encourage anyone reading mine that it can be done. I have posted a link at the end of a video on his page. Very inspiring!
There are many ways to measure your successes in your health. Some things start out in baby steps, but you have to start somewhere. Every little change reaps big rewards in your health. See what you can do to start and just keep pushing yourself forward. " When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!" Ben Does Life- Inspiration
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Why does one day have to matter so much?
24 hours ago I was high on life! Everything I was doing seemed to have a great positive momentum and I thought I had finally figured out what will work for me to lose all this weight! I was on a roll, feeling good, seeing success, my weight loss graph had a big downward slope! I had great hope that I could go all the way with my task!
In the last month I had lost 11.5 lbs and 8 lbs of that have been since August 20th! Today, a rise on the graph took place. As I saw the graph on my Wii create a new peak and have the Mii tell me I am Obese, I yelled out loud a big frustrated "Duh! That is why I am on here ya dumb shit"! The Wii says it every time I get on, but today it really bugged me, because instead of heading in the direction I wanted, it rose 3 lbs...ughhh!
I had a melt down and I am not talking fat melting, but a mental melt down! I started crying! Why does one day matter so much? I started pacing the room yelling at myself, even used the eF word which to me is one of the worst words ever and I hate hearing others use it. Yet here I am, eF this and eF that directed at myself! I got mad and decided I was going to workout so I hopped on the Wii crying my eyes out! I was bound and determined to not let it knock me down, I was not going to let the mental negatives take over! I was in fighting mode!
Lets just say that with all the determined fight I had inside screaming to get past this moment, it actually got worse. Each and every exercise was a battle that I was not winning. The first 3 or 4 exercises I did today, I was getting the worst scores ever on! Oh what a rotten, depressing day! I thought I had a melt down a few minutes earlier, now I am sobbing wondering what in the hell is wrong with me! Why does this day have to be! It feels defeating. I lost my mojo, my confidence and feel that I know nothing anymore! I wanted to go back to bed and pretend it is just a nightmare. I was crying so hard and so mad at myself and wondered what it was going to take. I stared out the window sobbing hoping nobody heard me cursing ( it was pretty loud, I was happy the windows weren't open!) wondering how I was going to get through this day.
I am happy to report that I am blessed with a brain function that realizes when I am hard on myself like this, I have the capability to recognize that what I am doing to myself is self destructive and not going to be of any benefit and quickly I shift gears. I decide I need to fight the negative and get back to work. I can do this!
I don't know why I let this one day matter so much! Why do such events hit me so hard and tear me down. After all there are so many more great days than this lousy one day so why let it get to me?
I started to think about that more, "why does this one day matter so much" and discovered I was saying it negatively, so I switched where I was enunciating the phrase and heard it in a positive way instead. When I am mad at myself I tend to dwell on words over and over again and this time I heard the phrase differently then how I was using it. Instead of crying about it, learn from it!
I started asking myself questions about why would there be such a big difference in 24 hours, what is this picture I have to face? What can I learn?
I started looking at my food intake and discovered an underlying problem. I rewarded myself with food, hum. There it is! And it is NOT good! I had been doing so well with my workouts and careful with what I was eating that when a nice momentum took hold I had a sense of freedom, because something was working. I felt invincible! I had it going on and nothing was going to stop me! I felt like I had this weight loss figured out and in the bag! So with this high I was on I made a couple meals that I love and instead of leaving out the unhealthy ingredients I went all out! I seemed to not care, I do remember a brief thought of "man,I probably shouldn't do this, but these couple things won't be that big of a deal. After all my metabolism seems to be kicking in to a higher level working for me now!"...Did I listen...nope, because I am invincible! I have read not to totally deprive yourself some of your food pleasures so you won't binge out on it at some point and used that as part of my excuse. LOL..oh my, ya right and now I see that on the scale. I failed on the scale! I failed in my decision making! Now I am paying for it....suck!
Why does one day matter so much? Today mattered because even through all the tears and the melt down, I grew and learned something about myself; I reward myself with food. Now move on and find another way to reward myself! I also did not give up today. When I was crying and wanted to go back to bed and forget about it all, I realized I am one tough cookie! I stayed down stairs, whipped away my tears and jumped back on the Wii for a 2 hour workout! I burned 720 calories...yes ma'am! I can do this and each day does matter because I am growing and learning what I need to do, who I am and what I am am capable of...something far greater than what I have done so far! Now I need to make each day matter!
When you are faced with a horrid moment or day on your journey, don't let it take over! Whip away the tears, learn from it, focus on the successes and get up and move toward your dream!
In the last month I had lost 11.5 lbs and 8 lbs of that have been since August 20th! Today, a rise on the graph took place. As I saw the graph on my Wii create a new peak and have the Mii tell me I am Obese, I yelled out loud a big frustrated "Duh! That is why I am on here ya dumb shit"! The Wii says it every time I get on, but today it really bugged me, because instead of heading in the direction I wanted, it rose 3 lbs...ughhh!
I had a melt down and I am not talking fat melting, but a mental melt down! I started crying! Why does one day matter so much? I started pacing the room yelling at myself, even used the eF word which to me is one of the worst words ever and I hate hearing others use it. Yet here I am, eF this and eF that directed at myself! I got mad and decided I was going to workout so I hopped on the Wii crying my eyes out! I was bound and determined to not let it knock me down, I was not going to let the mental negatives take over! I was in fighting mode!
Lets just say that with all the determined fight I had inside screaming to get past this moment, it actually got worse. Each and every exercise was a battle that I was not winning. The first 3 or 4 exercises I did today, I was getting the worst scores ever on! Oh what a rotten, depressing day! I thought I had a melt down a few minutes earlier, now I am sobbing wondering what in the hell is wrong with me! Why does this day have to be! It feels defeating. I lost my mojo, my confidence and feel that I know nothing anymore! I wanted to go back to bed and pretend it is just a nightmare. I was crying so hard and so mad at myself and wondered what it was going to take. I stared out the window sobbing hoping nobody heard me cursing ( it was pretty loud, I was happy the windows weren't open!) wondering how I was going to get through this day.
I am happy to report that I am blessed with a brain function that realizes when I am hard on myself like this, I have the capability to recognize that what I am doing to myself is self destructive and not going to be of any benefit and quickly I shift gears. I decide I need to fight the negative and get back to work. I can do this!
I don't know why I let this one day matter so much! Why do such events hit me so hard and tear me down. After all there are so many more great days than this lousy one day so why let it get to me?
I started to think about that more, "why does this one day matter so much" and discovered I was saying it negatively, so I switched where I was enunciating the phrase and heard it in a positive way instead. When I am mad at myself I tend to dwell on words over and over again and this time I heard the phrase differently then how I was using it. Instead of crying about it, learn from it!
I started asking myself questions about why would there be such a big difference in 24 hours, what is this picture I have to face? What can I learn?
I started looking at my food intake and discovered an underlying problem. I rewarded myself with food, hum. There it is! And it is NOT good! I had been doing so well with my workouts and careful with what I was eating that when a nice momentum took hold I had a sense of freedom, because something was working. I felt invincible! I had it going on and nothing was going to stop me! I felt like I had this weight loss figured out and in the bag! So with this high I was on I made a couple meals that I love and instead of leaving out the unhealthy ingredients I went all out! I seemed to not care, I do remember a brief thought of "man,I probably shouldn't do this, but these couple things won't be that big of a deal. After all my metabolism seems to be kicking in to a higher level working for me now!"...Did I listen...nope, because I am invincible! I have read not to totally deprive yourself some of your food pleasures so you won't binge out on it at some point and used that as part of my excuse. LOL..oh my, ya right and now I see that on the scale. I failed on the scale! I failed in my decision making! Now I am paying for it....suck!
Why does one day matter so much? Today mattered because even through all the tears and the melt down, I grew and learned something about myself; I reward myself with food. Now move on and find another way to reward myself! I also did not give up today. When I was crying and wanted to go back to bed and forget about it all, I realized I am one tough cookie! I stayed down stairs, whipped away my tears and jumped back on the Wii for a 2 hour workout! I burned 720 calories...yes ma'am! I can do this and each day does matter because I am growing and learning what I need to do, who I am and what I am am capable of...something far greater than what I have done so far! Now I need to make each day matter!
When you are faced with a horrid moment or day on your journey, don't let it take over! Whip away the tears, learn from it, focus on the successes and get up and move toward your dream!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
It is all about the little things
The more I look at life the more I see it is the little things that matter most. Those little things apply to everything! I used to only look at the big things and roll my eyes and say "yeah, whatever" whenever someone stated that quote. My mind would basically shut down upon those words. You see I always have been wowed by the big things in life! Someone else's great accomplishments, in business, sports, talents of any sort, having an impact on the world or their personal community. I am now realizing that people do not get to the big moments without the smaller things mattering first.
I recently read an article about Blake Mycoski founder of TOMS shoes. This company started just 4 years ago and it is a remarkable company! This company is doing amazing things, big things, important things! As I read his story, I realized it started with the little things. He had a catalyst moment in his life that took off on wanting to change something he saw! He was on a trip and saw a need and wanted to do something about it. He did not know how exactly, but had a passion that set things in motion. The small things lead to the success of his company which is making a global impact. I read words in the article like; passion, risks, obstacles, opportunity, change, simplicity, optimism, experience, clarify and enthusiasm and the reason they stood out is the fact that they all fit my journey. Probably would fit any ones journey for that matter.
It is the little things that we do that makes the bigger things we desire take shape. We have to clarify what the bigger picture goal is and then simplify and make smaller goals to get there.There will be obstacles along the way. The risks we take can make us stronger and give us experience. Have a passion for what you want to accomplish. The opportunity is there before us so jump in with some enthusiasm and make the necessary changes. It is the little things that matter!
This last week, I have read from different resources a quote being said a few different ways but all meaning about the same thing. It is funny how God puts reoccurring points out there for us to see. He is trying to help us if we take the time to notice. The 4 quotes that have stood out to me this week because of the theme they carry follows:
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion"
"The destination is not as important as the journey"
"Why dream it when you can do it" and
"Pick something and practice and work on it until you're good at it. You can only change if you are in motion" ~ Donald Miller
So the little things I am doing and practicing are working me into a forward motion to get me to the destination of my dreams. I am a work in progress! I am on my journey and taking it all in to learn and grow.
Another article I read was at the beginning of each day making a statement and writing down " what will I do today that will help me move forward towards my goal"
Today I will first have a glass of water before my tea and breakfast (ways to add water in my day to stay hydrated)
Today I will exercise enough to burn at least 600 calories ( goals to push myself farther)
Today I will eat smaller meals ( learning to portion size and realize I am full and can still have energy)
Today I will not be so critical of myself ( learning to appreciate Gods creation in me)
I am thrilled to say that since Aug 2nd I have lost 8.4 lbs! One month and so far averaging 2 lbs a week! Nice! Yesterday was frustrating though. I could not master some of the exercises I have gotten really good at prior and it drove me crazy. My body was stiff, I had no sense of balance. I called it a day yesterday after 30 minutes of a workout. Frustration got the best of me. Today my 600 calories to burn was to not give up when I feel frustrated with my lack of ability because each day is a new day! Today, I still felt stiff, but able to master the things I could not yesterday. I ended my routine today learning me some yoga! I did a sun salutation, palm tree, a chair and a warrior! The chair was the hardest! Wii says I have good control and posture! so on that note..... concentrate on the little things you can do,get your body in motion and stay hydrated!
I recently read an article about Blake Mycoski founder of TOMS shoes. This company started just 4 years ago and it is a remarkable company! This company is doing amazing things, big things, important things! As I read his story, I realized it started with the little things. He had a catalyst moment in his life that took off on wanting to change something he saw! He was on a trip and saw a need and wanted to do something about it. He did not know how exactly, but had a passion that set things in motion. The small things lead to the success of his company which is making a global impact. I read words in the article like; passion, risks, obstacles, opportunity, change, simplicity, optimism, experience, clarify and enthusiasm and the reason they stood out is the fact that they all fit my journey. Probably would fit any ones journey for that matter.
It is the little things that we do that makes the bigger things we desire take shape. We have to clarify what the bigger picture goal is and then simplify and make smaller goals to get there.There will be obstacles along the way. The risks we take can make us stronger and give us experience. Have a passion for what you want to accomplish. The opportunity is there before us so jump in with some enthusiasm and make the necessary changes. It is the little things that matter!
This last week, I have read from different resources a quote being said a few different ways but all meaning about the same thing. It is funny how God puts reoccurring points out there for us to see. He is trying to help us if we take the time to notice. The 4 quotes that have stood out to me this week because of the theme they carry follows:
"A body in motion tends to stay in motion"
"The destination is not as important as the journey"
"Why dream it when you can do it" and
"Pick something and practice and work on it until you're good at it. You can only change if you are in motion" ~ Donald Miller
So the little things I am doing and practicing are working me into a forward motion to get me to the destination of my dreams. I am a work in progress! I am on my journey and taking it all in to learn and grow.
Another article I read was at the beginning of each day making a statement and writing down " what will I do today that will help me move forward towards my goal"
Today I will first have a glass of water before my tea and breakfast (ways to add water in my day to stay hydrated)
Today I will exercise enough to burn at least 600 calories ( goals to push myself farther)
Today I will eat smaller meals ( learning to portion size and realize I am full and can still have energy)
Today I will not be so critical of myself ( learning to appreciate Gods creation in me)
I am thrilled to say that since Aug 2nd I have lost 8.4 lbs! One month and so far averaging 2 lbs a week! Nice! Yesterday was frustrating though. I could not master some of the exercises I have gotten really good at prior and it drove me crazy. My body was stiff, I had no sense of balance. I called it a day yesterday after 30 minutes of a workout. Frustration got the best of me. Today my 600 calories to burn was to not give up when I feel frustrated with my lack of ability because each day is a new day! Today, I still felt stiff, but able to master the things I could not yesterday. I ended my routine today learning me some yoga! I did a sun salutation, palm tree, a chair and a warrior! The chair was the hardest! Wii says I have good control and posture! so on that note..... concentrate on the little things you can do,get your body in motion and stay hydrated!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Progress that Jumps up & Down
In the business world many would say to be successful there needs to be an upward trend of progress in order to show success, but there are some things in life that the downward trend is better at showing success.
My success would be the result of a downward trend; weight loss!
On Wii there are all kinds of graphs and charts. On each exercise there is the top 10 scores and when you beat your own best score or hit the #1 spot it cheers you on and you feel sucessful. There are also charts to see what type of exercises you are doing each day, how long you work in those catagories. There are charts for other things as well but the #1 graph I spend time on is the graph that charts my weight. Oh how badly I want to see it going in a downward trend.
I realize weight loss is a battle of tweeking this or that to be successful and getting into a healthy lifestyle that becomes a natural patten in your life. I am realizing also how much tweeking needs to be done. I think I know and understand exactly what to do yet my graph is not displaying this.
Wii allows you to set goals and a time frame for those goals. I so far have been setting my goals in 2 week increments expecting to lose 3.5 lbs. Wii says I should set it at 2 lbs as that is the healthier thing to do. I don't want to listen because I want more than that! 1lb a week would take me 3 years to hit my target weight...I don't think I can handle waiting that long! So I set goals of 3.5 lbs every 2 weeks, I have yet to be successful. I feel it is a reasonable goal , but I have yet to have a stamp on the 2 week calander that shows success. Hum, I am actually wondering what Wii does to celebrate that with you.
Anyway, I started looking at my weight loss graph, I actually am addicted to my graph! I stare at it as if to manipulate it to read something else. I have had times when I wanted to throw the controller at the TV and yell profanities at it. I have sat and laughed in disbelief. I have wondered if the Wii scale is inaccurate and re weighed myself. It lets you select at the beginning how heavy your cloths might be, I have thought about choosing the heavier just to see 2 lbs difference. I have gotten off the scale frustrated at what I see and run upstairs go to the bathroom and come back and weigh myself again. A little bit of pee doesn't weigh very much by the way, only a few onces. So lying to myself wont help, Wii places it all out on the line for me to see. My own personal trainer.
I have started to look at my graph differently this last week as it has been 1 week since I quit my job to really focus on this task I have before me. My graph has so many up and down lines to it , I am thinking I am drawing a silhoutee picture of the Sawtooth Mountains ( they're in Idaho and very sharp peaks and valley's hence the name sawtooth) My graph jumps up and down all over the place. In the matter of one day I can loose 2 lbs (yippee) and the next couple days gain 3 lbs back- uggh! Up, down, up and down it goes. I get excited, frustrated and discouraged so I found myself staring at the graph wondering what am I doing wrong? Why oh why can't I see a drawing of a downhill ski jump on my graph instead? (without the jump of course- just the downhill)
Well, as I sit and stare at it, I realized something; there is progress sitting there before my eyes to see. I just had to change how I was looking at it. Instead of focusing on the ups and downs there is a steady progression sloping downward. I can see the valleys progressing downward and the peaks are as well. So My highest mountain peak was reached 3 weeks ago since I started working out on Wii, I had one peak come mighty close. The second highest peaks on mountain ranges do not make the cut there can only be one highest peak. I have one highest peak the rest are smaller in size. My valleys are getting deeper than the ones before.
If you don't understand what I am saying it is this..... I am successful! I have a downward trend of progress happening! On an even clearer picture I can paint for you, I have lost 6 1/2 lbs in the last 20 days! I may not be successful on my 2 week goals so far, but I am heading in a downward succesful pattern to hit the goal! Jumping up and down! Moving and shaking! Did you know that after 25 minutes of exercise, your mood improves, you are less stressed, you have more energy and you will be more motivated to exercise again tomorrow? Get out there and start moving!
My success would be the result of a downward trend; weight loss!
On Wii there are all kinds of graphs and charts. On each exercise there is the top 10 scores and when you beat your own best score or hit the #1 spot it cheers you on and you feel sucessful. There are also charts to see what type of exercises you are doing each day, how long you work in those catagories. There are charts for other things as well but the #1 graph I spend time on is the graph that charts my weight. Oh how badly I want to see it going in a downward trend.
I realize weight loss is a battle of tweeking this or that to be successful and getting into a healthy lifestyle that becomes a natural patten in your life. I am realizing also how much tweeking needs to be done. I think I know and understand exactly what to do yet my graph is not displaying this.
Wii allows you to set goals and a time frame for those goals. I so far have been setting my goals in 2 week increments expecting to lose 3.5 lbs. Wii says I should set it at 2 lbs as that is the healthier thing to do. I don't want to listen because I want more than that! 1lb a week would take me 3 years to hit my target weight...I don't think I can handle waiting that long! So I set goals of 3.5 lbs every 2 weeks, I have yet to be successful. I feel it is a reasonable goal , but I have yet to have a stamp on the 2 week calander that shows success. Hum, I am actually wondering what Wii does to celebrate that with you.
Anyway, I started looking at my weight loss graph, I actually am addicted to my graph! I stare at it as if to manipulate it to read something else. I have had times when I wanted to throw the controller at the TV and yell profanities at it. I have sat and laughed in disbelief. I have wondered if the Wii scale is inaccurate and re weighed myself. It lets you select at the beginning how heavy your cloths might be, I have thought about choosing the heavier just to see 2 lbs difference. I have gotten off the scale frustrated at what I see and run upstairs go to the bathroom and come back and weigh myself again. A little bit of pee doesn't weigh very much by the way, only a few onces. So lying to myself wont help, Wii places it all out on the line for me to see. My own personal trainer.
I have started to look at my graph differently this last week as it has been 1 week since I quit my job to really focus on this task I have before me. My graph has so many up and down lines to it , I am thinking I am drawing a silhoutee picture of the Sawtooth Mountains ( they're in Idaho and very sharp peaks and valley's hence the name sawtooth) My graph jumps up and down all over the place. In the matter of one day I can loose 2 lbs (yippee) and the next couple days gain 3 lbs back- uggh! Up, down, up and down it goes. I get excited, frustrated and discouraged so I found myself staring at the graph wondering what am I doing wrong? Why oh why can't I see a drawing of a downhill ski jump on my graph instead? (without the jump of course- just the downhill)
Well, as I sit and stare at it, I realized something; there is progress sitting there before my eyes to see. I just had to change how I was looking at it. Instead of focusing on the ups and downs there is a steady progression sloping downward. I can see the valleys progressing downward and the peaks are as well. So My highest mountain peak was reached 3 weeks ago since I started working out on Wii, I had one peak come mighty close. The second highest peaks on mountain ranges do not make the cut there can only be one highest peak. I have one highest peak the rest are smaller in size. My valleys are getting deeper than the ones before.
If you don't understand what I am saying it is this..... I am successful! I have a downward trend of progress happening! On an even clearer picture I can paint for you, I have lost 6 1/2 lbs in the last 20 days! I may not be successful on my 2 week goals so far, but I am heading in a downward succesful pattern to hit the goal! Jumping up and down! Moving and shaking! Did you know that after 25 minutes of exercise, your mood improves, you are less stressed, you have more energy and you will be more motivated to exercise again tomorrow? Get out there and start moving!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Change in the tide.
Changes won't happen if I just keep repeating the same thing over and over and I want results...therefore I need to change. I read this quote today: Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore - Andre Gide
Yesterday, I quit my job. Whew and I feel such relief! I have contemplated it for awhile but was lacking confidence in myself to make a change.I love the friends and people I work with! I worked for a company that is truely amazing. Not many companies out there like this one! They have high standards, take good care of employees, give back to people in need, have a great product and has a high ethics and integrity. So why quit? My job was not very fullfiling. I did not like what I was doing and was really not a good fit for me. Do i know what is a good fit?...not yet.
I have been able to figure this out though, because I was so unhappy in my job it was affecting my overall health. I have battled depression, anxiety attacks, stomache issues and I would get very overwhelmed of the thought that I needed to change but have lacked confidence in myself to do so.I have missed a bunch of days at work and then get frustrated that I was so weak to get myself out of bed and just go.I would force myself to be stronger and then the whole cycle breaks down out of unhappiness that it became a vicious cycle. All those symptoms I have been suffering are not benefitting me towards weight loss either. It is a horrible combination. Doing something you do not enjoy can wreck havack on your mind and body.
Now this choice of quiting work is not very fair to my husband in the financial end because now he will be caring that burden at least for a little while. I figured my health is more valuable then that right now. I need to take control and get it done. I need to remove factors right now that are not benefitting me because they are consumming me from focusing on what I really need in order to move forward.
I have had to many things in my life that I am trying to improve on, that working a little here and there on this or that seems to be getting me no where. To much juggling and mind shifts. I think my life has become somewhat like the game of Hop Scotch. I keep throwing the stone out to learn something new, yet not mastering it because I have to keep throwing the stone and it changes everything up again.I keep landing and jumping from one spot to another, I get a glimps that I can do it and then the stone is somewhere else and I have to rethink the whole thing. I am tired of feeling that way. Not ever really accomplishing anything just bits and pieces.
I am hopefully taking 6 mo to a year off to get the weight part in control which will give me confidence with an accomplishment and my appearance. I am looking forward to this. I do need to set a schedule up for myself as having this much time freedom could also become a bad thing. I failed today with day one. Before my daughter and i went to bed we talked about getting up at 7 and going to a near by park to walk. I tossed and turned all night, my head filled with how to get myself organized. I want this change to be a very successful change and very worth not working right now. So when 6:45 came I turned my alarm off thinking I need the sleep. I think I slept a total of 2 hours. If my daughter wakes up on time she will come make sure I am awake and we will be on track. LOL well, her alarm went off a half hour after mine, she knew I was still asleep so she went back to sleep. I woke at 8:30 she at 10:30. We made it to the park at 1 and it was blazing hot. I did challenge myself on a very steep path and then the more level walk around the park. So we walked 1 mile in the heat, not any shade so I was done!
So back to my beginning quote: I have courage to leave the shore and swim in the waters of change and discover what is ahead of me and it feels great! A stroke of courage in the right direction out to uncharted territory; at least for me.
Yesterday, I quit my job. Whew and I feel such relief! I have contemplated it for awhile but was lacking confidence in myself to make a change.I love the friends and people I work with! I worked for a company that is truely amazing. Not many companies out there like this one! They have high standards, take good care of employees, give back to people in need, have a great product and has a high ethics and integrity. So why quit? My job was not very fullfiling. I did not like what I was doing and was really not a good fit for me. Do i know what is a good fit?...not yet.
I have been able to figure this out though, because I was so unhappy in my job it was affecting my overall health. I have battled depression, anxiety attacks, stomache issues and I would get very overwhelmed of the thought that I needed to change but have lacked confidence in myself to do so.I have missed a bunch of days at work and then get frustrated that I was so weak to get myself out of bed and just go.I would force myself to be stronger and then the whole cycle breaks down out of unhappiness that it became a vicious cycle. All those symptoms I have been suffering are not benefitting me towards weight loss either. It is a horrible combination. Doing something you do not enjoy can wreck havack on your mind and body.
Now this choice of quiting work is not very fair to my husband in the financial end because now he will be caring that burden at least for a little while. I figured my health is more valuable then that right now. I need to take control and get it done. I need to remove factors right now that are not benefitting me because they are consumming me from focusing on what I really need in order to move forward.
I have had to many things in my life that I am trying to improve on, that working a little here and there on this or that seems to be getting me no where. To much juggling and mind shifts. I think my life has become somewhat like the game of Hop Scotch. I keep throwing the stone out to learn something new, yet not mastering it because I have to keep throwing the stone and it changes everything up again.I keep landing and jumping from one spot to another, I get a glimps that I can do it and then the stone is somewhere else and I have to rethink the whole thing. I am tired of feeling that way. Not ever really accomplishing anything just bits and pieces.
I am hopefully taking 6 mo to a year off to get the weight part in control which will give me confidence with an accomplishment and my appearance. I am looking forward to this. I do need to set a schedule up for myself as having this much time freedom could also become a bad thing. I failed today with day one. Before my daughter and i went to bed we talked about getting up at 7 and going to a near by park to walk. I tossed and turned all night, my head filled with how to get myself organized. I want this change to be a very successful change and very worth not working right now. So when 6:45 came I turned my alarm off thinking I need the sleep. I think I slept a total of 2 hours. If my daughter wakes up on time she will come make sure I am awake and we will be on track. LOL well, her alarm went off a half hour after mine, she knew I was still asleep so she went back to sleep. I woke at 8:30 she at 10:30. We made it to the park at 1 and it was blazing hot. I did challenge myself on a very steep path and then the more level walk around the park. So we walked 1 mile in the heat, not any shade so I was done!
So back to my beginning quote: I have courage to leave the shore and swim in the waters of change and discover what is ahead of me and it feels great! A stroke of courage in the right direction out to uncharted territory; at least for me.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Facing Fear
I started out with my first thought about this blog being about what gives me inspiration and hope to become better than I am. The reason I struggle with this question is because I have answers for what inspires me yet I am not successful.
My inspirations and hope have come from seeing others succeed at this big job of losing alot of weight. If they can do it that means it isn't impossible. I am one who likes a challenge even when it seems overwhelming. Yet when it comes to many aspects of my life, I do not feel very successful at anything. I go through ups and downs being inspired. When it comes to my weight loss the biggest inspiration has come thru watching the show the Biggest Loser. I get a look at what their life is like before hand, sitting afraid and unable to motivate themselves to move. Their lives resemble my own life. I watch them cry and work hard to make changes and a transformation takes place before my eyes and it gives me hope. Makes me realize it is a matter of making some changes. I see also what their life becomes after losing weight. They are living! They are happier, healthier and sharing in activities with their friends, parents, spouses, and children. They are playing, swimming , hiking even cooking together. It is their lifestyle to enjoy each other in the adventure of healthy changes together.
As I thought on this and I am still processing more on these thoughts I realized a fear I have deep within me that is bubbling out to the surface. I have realized over time that I have a fear regarding these issues, but I have never taken the time to pin point what it is. I am now in tears realizing the fear and not sure how to move on past it to be successful, but I have too.
My fear is this: What if after losing all this weight the person that matters most in my life never says anything to acknowledge it, never says a word? Yes this person is my husband. The reason I fear this is because he is not one to notice changes or compliment them or anything. Nothing negative or positive. I have had great hair cuts where great lengths have been chopped off....not a word said. I have had my hair styled to fun flirty sexy styles, get all kinds of compliments from others, get all excited for him to see it.....not a word. I have gotten all dressed up, new clothes, makeup for a date with him which we hardly ever do...not a word. My kids will exclaim how nice I look, say wow mom you look amazing in his presence and still not a word. Not a glance, not a smile anything to say, wow you look beautiful!
When I was preparing for trying out for the Biggest Loser I had many visions of myself on the show. One vision I had was when the members in the last weeks would get to go out and have a makeover done. New hair, makeup, clothes the works! For me as a viewer it was a jaw dropping transformation. The show staff would arrange to surprise the cast members with a visit and the revealing of their new body to their families. I would weep every time! When I invisioned this makeover for myself I could see me in new stylish beautiful clothes. ( Right now my style is t-shirts in many colors, fancier are the ones that have collars and bottons, yet still t-shirts) I saw myself standing in front of a mirror admiring my new body, reflecting on the changes and hard work it took to transform what I was looking at. I feel sexy, beautiful and alive grinning from ear to ear. A door opens and there standing before me is my husband. I look at him in tears full of joy and pride at what I have been able to do, my arms stretched out as if to say look at this! A Vanna White move showing off the new me and can you believe this accomplishment and glowing over myself! My vision ends. My vision never has a response by him. He never says, wow! You look amazing! I knew you could do this!
I realize after thinking this through that it is because he never has shared such expressions with me. It is painful that I can not think of a single moment that sticks out that he has expressed how beautiful I look in his eyes. No compliments except about my cooking from time to time. I desire to be attractive to him and he tell me so. I have had my kids tell me I look good, my mom tell me how talented I am, my friends even male friends tell me what a beautiful person I am. Why doesn't my husband say these things? I am sure it is his personality and nothing personal towards me. It still hurts even though I know this of him. I figure it can't be me personally if others recognize these things in me and tell me so, but it is hard to believe when your spouse isn't saying it. We all want our spouse to adore us and let us know it.
Over the last couple years I have made many strides in my transformation. I have had many friends compliment me on the postive things they are seeing in me. How I carry myself with more energy, more confidence, a noticed attitude difference, I smile alot more and am physically changing with a tighter looking body. Granted I am still pretty fat , but all the changes are being noticed. But I get to a point I give up. The person I want to say something doesn't and it becomes a why do all this work if it doesn't change how he sees me? I have tried to convince myself it was because he sees me daily and it is harder to notice, but the people making the comments see me 5 days a week at work or 3-4 days a week at the gym and 1 day a week at church, they all notice and say something so why doesn't he? I guess he has always been like this, so why am I expecting something different? The main reason is I desire it, I want it, I need it.
I have thought that if I lose weight we would do more things together. I wouldn't be so embarrassing to be seen with. He would take me out more on dates. Not sure if that will happen, but based off of the past my fear is no. It isn't that this is really why we don't go out now, but it is the way my thoughts take me. He has never said anything to make me feel this way, but sometimes not saying anything at all leaves me to my own conclusion. I feel I am not worthy of this life I dream of, that I don't deserve to be taken out. I have had these thoughts for along time. I mean really; men like to take their beauty out and experience life with them showing them off to the world, right?
I now understand what I am so afraid of. I fear I will bust my butt and transform myself, but my husband will never say anything. He will never ackowledge my hard work, my new body, my new energy. My desire to be loved by him differently than what I have settled for and accepted as my life. I fear I will remain unnoticed by the one that matters most. Can I accept that if that is what really happens? can I do this for just me? When I get there and I am different, then what? Can I live this vision without him if he won't join me? I am realizing he is a home body, but I am not. I am as of now, because that is how we live. I am done sitting at home. I have missed out on things I have wanted to do waiting for him to join me. I have asked him to join me, but he always says no. In the past I ended out not doing things, because he won't go with me. I am learning it is ok to go ahead and venture out on my own. Well actually I have had my youngest take off on the adventures with me but soon she won't be here and I will have to go on my own. I want my life to be different and I can picture it. I just hope he will want to do these things with me. I have to play and have my adventures even if it is without him. I drather him live these things with me. Can I survive the changes without him saying you did good? You are strong? You are talented? You are beautiful? This is my fear; that he won't.
My inspirations and hope have come from seeing others succeed at this big job of losing alot of weight. If they can do it that means it isn't impossible. I am one who likes a challenge even when it seems overwhelming. Yet when it comes to many aspects of my life, I do not feel very successful at anything. I go through ups and downs being inspired. When it comes to my weight loss the biggest inspiration has come thru watching the show the Biggest Loser. I get a look at what their life is like before hand, sitting afraid and unable to motivate themselves to move. Their lives resemble my own life. I watch them cry and work hard to make changes and a transformation takes place before my eyes and it gives me hope. Makes me realize it is a matter of making some changes. I see also what their life becomes after losing weight. They are living! They are happier, healthier and sharing in activities with their friends, parents, spouses, and children. They are playing, swimming , hiking even cooking together. It is their lifestyle to enjoy each other in the adventure of healthy changes together.
As I thought on this and I am still processing more on these thoughts I realized a fear I have deep within me that is bubbling out to the surface. I have realized over time that I have a fear regarding these issues, but I have never taken the time to pin point what it is. I am now in tears realizing the fear and not sure how to move on past it to be successful, but I have too.
My fear is this: What if after losing all this weight the person that matters most in my life never says anything to acknowledge it, never says a word? Yes this person is my husband. The reason I fear this is because he is not one to notice changes or compliment them or anything. Nothing negative or positive. I have had great hair cuts where great lengths have been chopped off....not a word said. I have had my hair styled to fun flirty sexy styles, get all kinds of compliments from others, get all excited for him to see it.....not a word. I have gotten all dressed up, new clothes, makeup for a date with him which we hardly ever do...not a word. My kids will exclaim how nice I look, say wow mom you look amazing in his presence and still not a word. Not a glance, not a smile anything to say, wow you look beautiful!
When I was preparing for trying out for the Biggest Loser I had many visions of myself on the show. One vision I had was when the members in the last weeks would get to go out and have a makeover done. New hair, makeup, clothes the works! For me as a viewer it was a jaw dropping transformation. The show staff would arrange to surprise the cast members with a visit and the revealing of their new body to their families. I would weep every time! When I invisioned this makeover for myself I could see me in new stylish beautiful clothes. ( Right now my style is t-shirts in many colors, fancier are the ones that have collars and bottons, yet still t-shirts) I saw myself standing in front of a mirror admiring my new body, reflecting on the changes and hard work it took to transform what I was looking at. I feel sexy, beautiful and alive grinning from ear to ear. A door opens and there standing before me is my husband. I look at him in tears full of joy and pride at what I have been able to do, my arms stretched out as if to say look at this! A Vanna White move showing off the new me and can you believe this accomplishment and glowing over myself! My vision ends. My vision never has a response by him. He never says, wow! You look amazing! I knew you could do this!
I realize after thinking this through that it is because he never has shared such expressions with me. It is painful that I can not think of a single moment that sticks out that he has expressed how beautiful I look in his eyes. No compliments except about my cooking from time to time. I desire to be attractive to him and he tell me so. I have had my kids tell me I look good, my mom tell me how talented I am, my friends even male friends tell me what a beautiful person I am. Why doesn't my husband say these things? I am sure it is his personality and nothing personal towards me. It still hurts even though I know this of him. I figure it can't be me personally if others recognize these things in me and tell me so, but it is hard to believe when your spouse isn't saying it. We all want our spouse to adore us and let us know it.
Over the last couple years I have made many strides in my transformation. I have had many friends compliment me on the postive things they are seeing in me. How I carry myself with more energy, more confidence, a noticed attitude difference, I smile alot more and am physically changing with a tighter looking body. Granted I am still pretty fat , but all the changes are being noticed. But I get to a point I give up. The person I want to say something doesn't and it becomes a why do all this work if it doesn't change how he sees me? I have tried to convince myself it was because he sees me daily and it is harder to notice, but the people making the comments see me 5 days a week at work or 3-4 days a week at the gym and 1 day a week at church, they all notice and say something so why doesn't he? I guess he has always been like this, so why am I expecting something different? The main reason is I desire it, I want it, I need it.
I have thought that if I lose weight we would do more things together. I wouldn't be so embarrassing to be seen with. He would take me out more on dates. Not sure if that will happen, but based off of the past my fear is no. It isn't that this is really why we don't go out now, but it is the way my thoughts take me. He has never said anything to make me feel this way, but sometimes not saying anything at all leaves me to my own conclusion. I feel I am not worthy of this life I dream of, that I don't deserve to be taken out. I have had these thoughts for along time. I mean really; men like to take their beauty out and experience life with them showing them off to the world, right?
I now understand what I am so afraid of. I fear I will bust my butt and transform myself, but my husband will never say anything. He will never ackowledge my hard work, my new body, my new energy. My desire to be loved by him differently than what I have settled for and accepted as my life. I fear I will remain unnoticed by the one that matters most. Can I accept that if that is what really happens? can I do this for just me? When I get there and I am different, then what? Can I live this vision without him if he won't join me? I am realizing he is a home body, but I am not. I am as of now, because that is how we live. I am done sitting at home. I have missed out on things I have wanted to do waiting for him to join me. I have asked him to join me, but he always says no. In the past I ended out not doing things, because he won't go with me. I am learning it is ok to go ahead and venture out on my own. Well actually I have had my youngest take off on the adventures with me but soon she won't be here and I will have to go on my own. I want my life to be different and I can picture it. I just hope he will want to do these things with me. I have to play and have my adventures even if it is without him. I drather him live these things with me. Can I survive the changes without him saying you did good? You are strong? You are talented? You are beautiful? This is my fear; that he won't.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Mii and Wii
About a month ago, I lost my full time status at work and also lost one of my benefits that I loved. It was one that helped to pay for my Gym Membership. The gym is kind of an expensive one, but was very much worth it, wonderful people and nice facilities, but on my own I can not afford it anymore. I had to rethink how I was going to get my exercising done. It was a hard choice to cancel, because I have had lots of encouragement from the trainers there. The trainers taught me well and there are things I can do at home. I bought a yoga ball, resistant band, barbells, yoga mat and Wii Fit Plus, Wii Biggest Loser, Wii Sports and Jillians 30 day shred! I still want to get a bosu ball and a 6-8 lbs medicine ball.
I worried most about getting cardio in as I really hate the cardio. I had to push myself at the gym with cardio, because I know it is important in weight loss so it had to be done. At the gym I walked on the tredmill and learned to challenge myself on that. Cardio at home I was thinking was going to be a challenge. I love strength and balance exercises best.
Almost two weeks ago I started working out on the Wii and have logged 10 + hours on it in that time so far. I am actually sweating more than I did at the gym. I have always thought sweat was disgusting! Even though I have learned that sweating is a good thing when you are trying to lose weight , but I still find it gross. I am thinking that when I was at the gym I was so self conscious of sweating to much or breathing to hard that I did not push myself as hard in fear of what people thought. At home it does not matter! I am working harder!
I like the competitive me! I push to exceed my latest score or beat my speed on the various exercises on Wii. I am working out longer than an hour at a time now. When I start sweating I push myself longer to keep it sweating. Gross I know, but it is a positive just the same. At the gym, I was getting bored and had to push myself to stay there at least an hour. I am enjoying that I can do this at home now and longer than I anticiapted. I am excited that I am making myself do this at home, because I truely thought I would flake out on myself. In this little bit of time I am starting to feel the energy level increase. I am improving on my skills of speed, endurance, and balance.
The body is an amazing piece of art. No matter how much you weigh, in just a very short period of time, when you feed it right and exercise, your body says thank you! What an amazing God! The creator of these bodies, His design with a purpose!
I know I am just beginning here to do what I need to do, but I feel the courage to continue is strong. Good things are happening with this body, mind and spirit.
I worried most about getting cardio in as I really hate the cardio. I had to push myself at the gym with cardio, because I know it is important in weight loss so it had to be done. At the gym I walked on the tredmill and learned to challenge myself on that. Cardio at home I was thinking was going to be a challenge. I love strength and balance exercises best.
Almost two weeks ago I started working out on the Wii and have logged 10 + hours on it in that time so far. I am actually sweating more than I did at the gym. I have always thought sweat was disgusting! Even though I have learned that sweating is a good thing when you are trying to lose weight , but I still find it gross. I am thinking that when I was at the gym I was so self conscious of sweating to much or breathing to hard that I did not push myself as hard in fear of what people thought. At home it does not matter! I am working harder!
I like the competitive me! I push to exceed my latest score or beat my speed on the various exercises on Wii. I am working out longer than an hour at a time now. When I start sweating I push myself longer to keep it sweating. Gross I know, but it is a positive just the same. At the gym, I was getting bored and had to push myself to stay there at least an hour. I am enjoying that I can do this at home now and longer than I anticiapted. I am excited that I am making myself do this at home, because I truely thought I would flake out on myself. In this little bit of time I am starting to feel the energy level increase. I am improving on my skills of speed, endurance, and balance.
The body is an amazing piece of art. No matter how much you weigh, in just a very short period of time, when you feed it right and exercise, your body says thank you! What an amazing God! The creator of these bodies, His design with a purpose!
I know I am just beginning here to do what I need to do, but I feel the courage to continue is strong. Good things are happening with this body, mind and spirit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)